Returned

I have returned. I missed blogging for the past, errr, 8 months or so. (has it really been that long). During those 8 months, I finished school, wrote a few papers (well, I'm still writing those papers...), started a new job, worked CRAZY hours, and gained a few pounds. Miraculously, it was only a few pounds. I've been weighing in at 144 for the past few weeks.

I haven't been exercising, and I can tell I'm not fit or strong. Let's just say that I'm so out of shape that I can feel my blood sugar going out of whack (I had the same feeling when I weighed almost 170 a few years ago) and I have trouble lifting heavy pots with one hand in the kitchen. Pathetic.

So I have returned to Skinnify. I am counting calories with the free Lose It app on my phone. And I am committed to walking to and from the train station (total 1 hr per day) unless there are extreme conditions out. The boy will walk to the train station at night to walk me home! I am also going to step up the pilates to make it routine...and am thinking about asking friends if they want to make dates of it to keep us honest.

This time, I'm really doing it to stay healthy. I don't want to get diabetes. So I need to fix this is a way that is sustainable. It was about time for me to recommit...and I feel really dorky that I'm doing it around New Years...

***quick update: have lost a few pounds already. its surely water weight, but its enough to keep me going. the "Lose It!" app has a corny name, but works very well - i have no excuse not to log because I can do it during my commute... My body seems to be slowly adjusting to eating a bit less. (The first few days on cut calories were pretty harsh.) I'm still having trouble with exercise because of the weather, but I'll keep trying. onwards!

ctrl-alt-delete

Welllll... I've been off of the "let's not act like a total pig" bandwagon for errr, 3-4 months now. Surprisingly, the damage was only a few pounds. But it has been enough to make me feel different about how I look and fit into clothes. Now that I'm back from Italy, its time for a reset. Luckily, I was a bit sick last week, which wiped my appetite for me, allowing me reset it back into "reasonable" mode. Result? I've lost 2.5 pounds in a week and a half. We'll see if this trend sticks around.

I have a major issue with free food at work - free food is normally nasty and does not fit in with my "no fake food" diet that I stick to at home. So why do I eat it? WHY? Well, I seem to be resisting it for now, though I each eat a donut for dinner last night - I am crazy busy right now and really need to get some food to leave at work for emergency dinners. The good news? I actually turned the donut into my dinner, instead of just a snack, which is what I would have done a few weeks ago. (I ate some grilled veggies and a little cheese and cold cuts when I got home to get some low-cal nutrition in...)

the wake up call

this morning i had an official IT'S REALLY TIME TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS wake up call.

i got stuck in my dress.

i was trying on outfits this morning and put on one of my favorite dresses--a white cotton 3/4 sleeve shirt dress from j crew. it looked great last year.

this year? well, after putting it on and deciding that i needed to lose 10 lbs, i was trying to take it off...and i got stuck. somehow, my arms were stuck in the sleeves and i couldn't get the dress back over my head.

so i'm sitting there, with the dress halfway over my head thinking "great, i'm either going to have to cut the dress off of me, enlist my brother to come help me pull the dress off....or, someone will find me here with the dress stuck over my head after i have died of embarrassment."

luckily, after about 3-5 minutes of shimmying, i got the dress off.

but seriously, it's time to take action.

just now i was in the kitchen and the mortifying image of myself in the stuck dress was enough to keep my paws out of the cookie jar.

seriously. i have to laugh...because otherwise i'd cry!

Checking in

Soooooo. I'm weighing about 143 these days - which isn't so bad considering my lack of exercise and lack of restraint when it comes to eating. The defense is over and done. Graduation festivities have closed. And the family has left. My smaller jeans are feeling tighter and I'm suddenly aware of my love handles and the dreaded tire. I need to get back to it.

Luckily, it's bike riding season again (I really don't have time for much exercise right now - even though I've finished "school" I have a ton of work to get done this summer and I'm traveling a LOT). But what I'm really having trouble with is the food. WHY WHY WHY do I have to eat SOOO MUCH? I don't understand why it is so difficult for me to just eat less.

The sweet finish

Does being in a constant state of stress and anxiety burn increase one's resting metabolism? I sure hope so. Until this week, I was doing alright. I was walking a little bit and eating well (except for those candy bits...more on that later). But this week, I'm been a raving lunatic when it comes to portions. Over 5 days my breakfast and lunch portions practically doubled. But I was seriously HUNGRY. Blood sugar levels crashing, can't walk, can't think CRAZY HUNGRY. I'm not sure what the cause was... It could be the stress, my freezing work environment (62 degress - come on!), or my change in BC methods (sorry if that's too much info, but hormones might be playing a role here). We'll see how I do with portions this week - at least I haven't lost sight of how much I should be eating...

Over the past few months, I've fallen into a bad pattern of needing a sweet finish to meals (and snacks). At home, that means dark chocolate and at work that means a dip into the admin's bottomless candy bowl or a fist full of whatever free refined carb, sugary, transfatty evil is lurking from meetings. There was also the 5-10 (who's counting? not me!) tragic incidents with cupcakes that I made for my husband's birthday. I made two kinds of frosting, so naturally, I had to eat twice as many cupcakes. They say that successful dieters decrease the variet of food they keep at home - they might be on to something. (Did you know that toast takes good with frosting on it? It does, not that's I'd know first hand...really...) I've tried finishing eating with coffee or tea or small bits of chocolate, but it's just not taking. I suppose the problem is will power, but I need to get this fixed. fast. ideas?

Thesis writing has begun. Which poses a new problem for getting skinny. When I open that "thesis" folder, I want to start eating, mindlessly. Needless to say, I've just ordered a massive amounts of popcorn to get me through these next few weeks... Apologies for not commenting on your blogs for a while - I probably won't get around to commenting again until, um, June. But, my good old google reader keeps me fully updated and you all are so GOOD. and motivational! OK, back to work for me...

I'm gross.

I am totally gross. I don't know what came over me yesterday. Since last week, I've been on best behavior - eating well and exercising regularly. But yesterday was a day of minor stresses and I ended eating really yucky bad for me things that I would never had eaten when I'm being sane. Or had Kashi TLC or Larabars on hand (I certainly have them at work today).

The trouble is that we have several weekly meetings. And at each of them are Dunkin Donuts bagels and donuts and coffee. I normally try to stick to the coffee since the bagels and donuts are yucky and make me hungrier if i eat them. But I usually end up eating about a 1/3 of one in a moment of weakness. No biggie.

Well yesterday, I ended up picking at the leftovers (there were a lot this time) throughout the bay and ended up eating a whopping 2.5 donuts and a third of a bagel with cream cheese. I am so gross! Although I'm know to have my moments, this was particularly bad. Especially because one of the donuts looked just like that pink one that they use to promote the Simpsons Movie. Yucky, right? I'm so gross. I also had my normal meals: grapenuts, coffee, banana, pear, white bean kale soup, string cheese, and a small bit of shepard's pie. Oh, and Lindt truffle thingy (white chocolate - I don't even like white chocolate!)

Anyway. I'm doing a bit better today, though I did just scarf down a Larabar (not low cal, but better than eating MORE bagels and donuts).

In better news, my school has a yearly fitness team challenge. Basically, you get into teams of 6 and everyone tries to exercise a minimum of a certain number of minutes per week. It goes on for something like 10 weeks and ramps up the minutes. This week is 150, so I should be able to make it easily. I'm glad I signed up, especially in light on the donut madness. Certainly, minor stresses are about to add up for me in the coming months.

The Tire

As you may have surmised from my lack of blogging lately, I haven't been the 200% dieter that I wanted to be lately. I'm not exactly sure why - probably a combination of being busy, being lazy when I'm not being busy, and liking food too much and exercise not enough. I haven't quite fallen off the wagon yet, but my leg is kind of dangling off...if you know what I mean.

I've been kinda exercising (thanks to marking my calendar when I exercised) and eating has been so so, but there have been more sweets than I care to admit. (Oh, and just because chocolate covered peppermint marshmallows are "not as bad" as cookies doesn't mean a dieter should make a double batch and leave them out in a clear container. Oy.)

Last week I weighed in at 141.5 which was higher than I wanted and after a small incident with come cake, whip cream, and marshmallows, I was starting to feel my "tire". It's getting a bit squishy and just more THERE than it was a few weeks ago. It's not very apparent, but I don't feel as comfortable in tight shirts.

So, I need to do something about this. I need to firm up on points (I keep cheating here and there) and exercise more. The problem is that work is ramping up again and I'm just not sure I have the energy to bother right now. I'll be graduating this semester, so these next few months are going to be really rough (paper writing, paper re-writing, finishing experiments, writing dissertation, giving talks, finding a post doc position, etc.). Often when I get home from school, I am totally zonked and feel lucky that I at least have healthy food around (um, except for those darn marshmallows and spice cake. sheeet.) Exercise is totally out of the question. And on weekends, I'm way more interested in spending time with the boy and my friends, and relaxing or fixing up the house.

So, help!!! What would you do if you thought life was about to get a whole lot busier, your waistline was getting a whole lot flabbier, and you're not sure you care enough to do something about it but care enough to try a little and feel guilty about it the rest of the time? I know I should put my foot down and declare war on my weight but I don't know if I have it in me right now.

(image credit)

On again, off again

That should actually read: "off again, on again...hopefully".

This weekend, I kind of had a couple (read: lots) of needless incidents with chocolate covered pretzels, whipped cream (no, not like that!), peppermint marshmallows, blueberry pie, espresso chocolate, craisins, bread, cheese.

It wasn't even worth it, and I'm not sure what caused it. Maybe I will trying to fill the void of the mac and cheese I've been craving. At least I burned some calories sanding the walls in the bathroom (ouch).

Anyway, I've pretty much used all of my flex points which don't reset until Friday. So, I cleaned out the fridge and make the following to help me eat well, but low calorie, for the rest of the week: chicken curry, steel cut oats, apple sauce with cranberries, and split pea soup. This weekend I also made up some pureed white beans with garlic and rosemary to go with some scallops - soooo good and healthy. I think I'll be making more bean purees.

b

I love work

I know, not a typical statement out of a finishing, disgruntled grad student, but I love work for the sake of my diet. I drink more water and eat fewer calories when I'm not at home. Needless to say, I need a "schedule" to get back on track from my vacation time. I had a nice, relaxing break - but it did include a lot of eating and not much exercise. This year, I simply need to get on track with my exercise again. So far, the scale has been kind to me and I've been weighing in just under 140, but I think my body just hasn't had time yet to churn the recent calorie influx in to fat... My game plan for exercise is a little childish, but worked for me beofre: put up a calendar and circle or highlight days that I exercised... Seems simple enough, so I'll keep you updated as to how it goes.

I know it is supposed to be "bad" to set timelines for weight loss goals and such, but this year I want to be skinny and fit by June. The fam is coming out for graduation and (hello vanity!) I want to look good. My mom ALWAYS gives me a hard time about my weight, and I don't want to hear a peep out of her about it this time around. (Last time she visited, it took her only 25 hours before saying something about the size of my rear...real nice.)

In other news, I can pee upstairs now. I'm SO EXCITED about that. We made a lot of progress on our bathroom redo and hope to put up some pictures for you when it's really finished. I'm hoping that all of the bathroom building worked off some of my extra calories too...

Happy New Year to everyone!

blahhhhhhhh

really freakin cold weather + too much school work + too much home repair work = not cooking or eating healthy foods + not exercising (except shoveling, stressing, shivering, and balancing icy sidewalks) = probably gaining weight and not really caring

Last week, this formula meant that I craved uber salty noodle soup (Asian, any kind of Asian, I am equal opportunity) in a big way right before weigh in. Weigh in was way way way bad. so bad it was impossible to be just fat. But ever since Friday, I'm been too afraid to weigh myself again.

I just have too much on my mind right now to worry too much about losing these last 0-15 lbs. I keep flip flopping (like my ex-gov Mitt - that horrible horrible man who wants to fight secularism - WTF?) about whether to stay around 140, which I think is my happy idon'thavetotryveryhardtomaintainthis weight or shoot for the goal of weighing less than the boy.

Looks like I'll be a proper American and pledge to lose it come the New Year...


Addendum: I almost forgot! I'm watching the biggest loser finale tomorrow night with a bunch of skinny girls - is this a huge mistake or what? I'm CRAZY. (I was also the big girl again at a party this weekend - I HATE THAT. sigh.)

Bad Bad Bri

I've been a bad blogger. But I've also been a bad dieter. I've been shoveling truffle cookies in my mouth like they are the last things I'll ever eat. (I sent the rest with the boy to work today.) I've been sleeping in too late to exercise or even eat breakfast (gasp!) - replacing that meal with a Larabar (incredibly good - not all fakeybarfoodlike - however not low calorie...) I haven't been exercising at night either. And Stan is back (surprise surprise). Sigh.

Confessions

Um, this was a whoopsy holiday weekend. I honestly don't know how much I ate and thinking about it makes me feel guilty. (Think pie, lemon curd, whip cream, stuffing, prime rib, waffles, scones, garlic bread, fries, creamed mushrooms, real mashed potatos...over 4 days...oh, and no exercise.) But it was a nice relaxing weekend with friends and my nice husband, so it was worth it. I'll give myself 5 flex for the rest of the week so I don't give up counting. After being a slothpig all weekend, I "feel" the fat around my mid section and love handles...like the weight was gained instantly. I know it's just in my head - does this happen to anyone else?

Confession

I have a confession to make. Yesterday I went over my flex points. You see, I am cleaning out the fridge, and we had these meatballs (Ikea, so yummy and fatty) in the freezer to eat up, so I had some. Then I went to TJ's to get snacks for the cat sitters. Then we decided we should sample some of the snacks, because the sitters will be more likely to eat from an open package. S-M-R-T. So, I kinda stopped counting.

Then today, I just kind of gave up. I didn't do anything horrible. But I did decide that I needed a caramel macchiato and an espresso brownie from Starbucks. bad bad Bri. Lesson? Don't ever allow myself to go over flex points, because I can't control it after that. Thankfully, I reset tomorrow. I was trying to decide if I should count while I'm in Europe or not, but I think I have my answer. MUST...ALWAYS...COUNT.

I couldn't help it

Really, I couldn't. This weekend was a constant stream of food. Delicious, rich evil foods. It went something like this:

1. high tea at the Boston Park Plaza

2. cheese platters. mmm.

3. Korean bbq

4. "clubbing" - um, yeah, I'm just not that type of girl. I felt very lucky that clubs in Boston are only open for 3 hours. (No cals consumed here though, in fact, that was apparently 6 APs)

5. Return on the cheese platters. Add in chips and other evils.

Total: 45 points consumed (Wowzers!), 7 points burned, 13 flex left. (Sunday was better: 20 points consumed, 2 points burned, 13 flex left) The scary thing is that I really was being good. I promise!

But really, I couldn't help it. Look! (I forgot to get a pic of the Korean bbq. also beautiful.) Don't be fooled by the tea goodies platter - there was more - that pic doesn't show the scones and the tea-infused creme brulee.

Hmm

well, i'm totally inspired by everyone's losses this week! good job girls!

i however, am sucking it up in the weight loss department. mainly due to some spectacularly bad choices on my part. but, i'm working on it. first and foremost is going to bed before 3 am. i really think this is the key.

i did weigh myself today, but i'm going to weigh in again tomorrow morning for a (hopefully) more accurate reading...you see...well, i have a confession to make.

last night we had a test screening for my bro's movie...(which is also kind of my movie.) anyway, the screening went really really well--better than any of us could have hoped. (it is a rough cut right now, and usually people have a hard time watching those). but, everybody liked it! a lot! and it was a "tough crowd"...

so after the screening, we (bro, me and other producers) went to a diner-type place to eat and read the comment sheets and celebrate. it was midnight. yes, i went to a diner at midnight. and i ate a piece of...coconut cream pie...(!?) i know. what was i thinking? seriously. on the list of things you probably should avoid if you want to lose weight, coconut cream anything is on the top of that list.

well, anyway, i have a secret weapon coming today which i'll post about later...

here's to a coconut cream-free friday!