Checking in

Soooooo. I'm weighing about 143 these days - which isn't so bad considering my lack of exercise and lack of restraint when it comes to eating. The defense is over and done. Graduation festivities have closed. And the family has left. My smaller jeans are feeling tighter and I'm suddenly aware of my love handles and the dreaded tire. I need to get back to it.

Luckily, it's bike riding season again (I really don't have time for much exercise right now - even though I've finished "school" I have a ton of work to get done this summer and I'm traveling a LOT). But what I'm really having trouble with is the food. WHY WHY WHY do I have to eat SOOO MUCH? I don't understand why it is so difficult for me to just eat less.

The sweet finish

Does being in a constant state of stress and anxiety burn increase one's resting metabolism? I sure hope so. Until this week, I was doing alright. I was walking a little bit and eating well (except for those candy bits...more on that later). But this week, I'm been a raving lunatic when it comes to portions. Over 5 days my breakfast and lunch portions practically doubled. But I was seriously HUNGRY. Blood sugar levels crashing, can't walk, can't think CRAZY HUNGRY. I'm not sure what the cause was... It could be the stress, my freezing work environment (62 degress - come on!), or my change in BC methods (sorry if that's too much info, but hormones might be playing a role here). We'll see how I do with portions this week - at least I haven't lost sight of how much I should be eating...

Over the past few months, I've fallen into a bad pattern of needing a sweet finish to meals (and snacks). At home, that means dark chocolate and at work that means a dip into the admin's bottomless candy bowl or a fist full of whatever free refined carb, sugary, transfatty evil is lurking from meetings. There was also the 5-10 (who's counting? not me!) tragic incidents with cupcakes that I made for my husband's birthday. I made two kinds of frosting, so naturally, I had to eat twice as many cupcakes. They say that successful dieters decrease the variet of food they keep at home - they might be on to something. (Did you know that toast takes good with frosting on it? It does, not that's I'd know first hand...really...) I've tried finishing eating with coffee or tea or small bits of chocolate, but it's just not taking. I suppose the problem is will power, but I need to get this fixed. fast. ideas?

Thesis writing has begun. Which poses a new problem for getting skinny. When I open that "thesis" folder, I want to start eating, mindlessly. Needless to say, I've just ordered a massive amounts of popcorn to get me through these next few weeks... Apologies for not commenting on your blogs for a while - I probably won't get around to commenting again until, um, June. But, my good old google reader keeps me fully updated and you all are so GOOD. and motivational! OK, back to work for me...

Unskinny Reason #4

<------- These are really tasty. I've gone a little nuts with these lately with their salty, crunchy, cheesy goodness. These little guys are FIFTY crackers a serving. But really, who counts that high? I don't. Which must be how I ate 7 servings in 4 days. No wonder I'm unskinny.

Today, I didn't exercise (again, no wonder I'm unskinny!) But, I'm giving myself a break because I'm staying up late tonight redoing everything I did today because it had a tiny weeny mistake all the way through it, which made me irrationally mad. You've been like that, right? This happens to me about 3 times a year. My day will be going along just swell, and then a series of minor incidents will happen, and BOOM. I'm irrationally mad. Fuming. Swearing. Mumbling about how sticky children are when they get in my way. just UGLY. So I had one of those days today. But then I recovered (thanks SusieQ!) and made a HUGE pot of black lentil soup with butternut squash. It smells yummy. Anyway - its miraculous that I didn't stress eat tonight: ate 21, exercised 1 (pathetic), flex left 14.

(image credit: Annie's Homegrown)

Smarty Pants

So I finished French Women Don't Get Fat. And I was not impressed. I thought the tone was very snobby and "if-you-are-reading-this-you-are-stupid-and-have-no-common-sense". She takes ages to tell you to do things we already know to do: make compromises, drink water, walk more, take the stairs, pass on the bread basket before dinner, cook your own food, eat yogurt, avoid processed foods... But her undertone was really "stop being stupid. when you are just like me, you can be skinny and fabuous like me". She finishes off the book by telling you how to maintain a relationship and how to raise your kids. I thought she was overstepping herself a little bit too far.

She really missed the main problem that I have, and I bet I'm not alone here. For me, I just like to eat. I KNOW about all those things she kept yammering about. I know it when I'm stuffing my face. So repeating to me how I shouldn't do those things isn't going to help. For me portion control is not innate. I'm not one of those people who eats a smaller dinner because my lunch was big. No matter how much I've eaten, or what little movement my body has had, I will want to eat 3 hours later. I feel like I either have to be in CRAZY WEIGHTLOSS MODE or eatwhateverifeellikeandtaketheevelvator mode.

However, reading her book did prompt me to start taking the stairs (I work on the 4th floor). And, the book reminded to try and enjoy a few bites of something instead of the volume of something. I'm trying to get used to not needing to be full/stuffed after a meal.

So I recomment French Women if you want to feel stupid or if you might need a reminder about a of the basics that you aready know. Either way, save your money and get this one from your library. Spend the $$$ on Fage instead.

Today was also a SVD: ate 26, exercised 5, flex left 20. I'm trying to figure out what I can eat that is 20 points in the next hour before my points reset....hmmmm...cheesecake? chipotle? >2 L of vanilla soy milk? Ewww. It's a good thing, I suppose, that I'm having trouble coming up with something that calorie-ridden.

Portion Control 1, Fondue 0.

VICTORY IS MINE!!! I'm trying to keep all my flex points for this weekend, which I'm spending with my foodie friends at Tanglewood. So I was very proud of myself today for actually exercising portion control and eating something light (kashi+plain yogurt+blueberries = satisfying 2 pt snack) before evil fondue+sundae night with my girlfriends. I think one of the reasons I struggle with weight is that I lack any kind of portion control. I eat really healthy foods, but just too much. I actually enjoyed my small servings of fondue and ice cream tonight (9 points total, yay for veggies) by barely eating any of it. This surprised me. I'll have to practive this "portion control" again.

Anyway, I ate 22 points today and worked off 2, leaving my 35 flex intact. YAY!!!