Sigh

Oh, diligence.  Why have you let me down?  I have been eating well and logging everyday (except for one).  I feel good.  But I haven't lost any weight in weeks, in fact, I appear to have gained a few back.  I keep thinking that the weight was leftover from exercising (water retention, etc) but I'm now realizing that perhaps that was just wishful thinking.  I weighed 141 this morning.  URGH.  (even after 6 hours of xc skiing this weekend?  WTF?)

I suppose there is nothing for me to do but keep doing what I'm doing.  I eat different things, and don't eat the same number of calories every day, so I'm not really sure what the problem is.  Perhaps I'm just meant to be at this weight, so maybe I should just be content that my blood sugar feels right and accept my size for what it is?

oh, where have my boobs gone?

I suppose I should be happy. With proper eating and a bit of exercise, I feel in control, my blood sugar doesn't seem wonky anymore, and I've lost 5 pounds (placing me back in the 130s). But, I miss my boobs. Until yesterday, I didn't notice that seemingly all 5 lost pounds have come directly from my chest. And I really didn't have much there in the first place. Oh well. Onwards!

RAVE...and rant

RAVE!!! Love love love the "Lose It!" app for iPhones. Seriously, best "tool" for weight loss/nutrition/exercise I've ever seen. And it is free. Always with you. And doesn't even require internet access. I'm tracking for full nutrition because I'm getting increasingly worried about my diabetes risk (family history - some skinny relatives get it too!!!). When I used to do WW online, I thought it was good. But I'd never go back. This is a lot easier. And more complete. (Why pay for WW when you can put that $$ towards your iPhone's data plan?) I think it should work for the iPod Touch too, actually...

RAVE!!! The boy is being really nice - he walks 30 minutes in the cold at night even when he's hungry to walk me home (another 30 min in the cold) from the train station, helping me keep up with a part-of-life exercise plan. The treadmill just hasn't been working for me. I just never get on it. So that means I'm getting (except for bad weather, which isn't that unusual for New England) 1 hr of walking per day.

RAVE!!! Cross-country skiing. The boy is also to thank for this - he got us $5 (perfectly fitting) sets at a yard sale and we've been going out every weekend for ~2hr of skiing. Its also free. and fun. And burns soooooo many calories. I love it, and actually look forward to it snowing now.

RAVE!!! I weighed 141 this morning. That 3 lbs down so far. I have 13 more to go.

Rant - OK, so not everything is peachy. I've been stuggling with mini pity-parties. My friends and work colleagues are all (seemingly effortlessly) skinny. Even those women who have had babies (and twins!). I keep feeling sorry for myself that it isn't that easy for me. And that I have to worry about a top showing my love handles, whether those pants are too small in the thighs, or if my blood sugar is going to tank today. And I feel like I'm the only in my local world. I know I just need to get over it, and accept it as something I need to work on and "accept" forever, but...waaaaahhhhhh.

progress!

at the beginning of the summer i bought a skirt at gap without trying it on. (size 12) (silly me, just assumed it would fit.) well, said skirt did not fit, so it's been sitting in the closet since june just waiting for me to get my act together.

i wore it yesterday.

yay!

in other news...i broke up with WW online. i haven't used it in months and figured i could use the $16.95/month for something else. i feel like i need a break from the points system. it was driving me berzerk. i've quit and signed up again like a bajillion times, but for now i feel good about not doing it.

i've been working on eating more 'real' foods...i've stopped baking cookies and muffins every other day (you think that could be part of my problem??!!)...i'm back to treadmilling regularly...i've stopped weighing myself...i've started eating salads instead of the pizza that my brother orders every other day (literally)...i've become a big fan of oatmeal, apples, almonds and yogurt. (not together, but maybe that wouldn't be too bad...)

i read "the quest for peace, love and the 24in waist" by deborah low. highly recommend it. i'm going to read it again. a lot of it is kinda touchy-feely, love your body kind of stuff, which i usually really hate...but i'm beginning to think that maybe that really is the problem.

i think the next goal is getting back into my 2005 jeans. maybe i'll post pics. but for now, i think i might be done w/ the numbers games. we'll see. i seem to change my mind a lot...

Checking in

Soooooo. I'm weighing about 143 these days - which isn't so bad considering my lack of exercise and lack of restraint when it comes to eating. The defense is over and done. Graduation festivities have closed. And the family has left. My smaller jeans are feeling tighter and I'm suddenly aware of my love handles and the dreaded tire. I need to get back to it.

Luckily, it's bike riding season again (I really don't have time for much exercise right now - even though I've finished "school" I have a ton of work to get done this summer and I'm traveling a LOT). But what I'm really having trouble with is the food. WHY WHY WHY do I have to eat SOOO MUCH? I don't understand why it is so difficult for me to just eat less.

urrgh

so, i was just a tiny bit excited to weigh in today because i have been on *best* behavior for this whole week. i've been journaling...i've kept track of everything i've eaten and i didn't go over my flex points. i've been eating healthy stuff--salads, lean chicken, yogurt, veggies and fruit etc. i haven't been cheating at all! i've worked out every day. i'm drinking all my water. i haven't eaten after 10 pm.

so how did the scale go up??!! 1.5 lbs? RAAH!

seriously. i was so expecting a 3 lb. loss...or at the very least -.5 or something. how can this be??

arrgh.

hate the scale. the jeans don't lie though...and those definitely feel looser.

i just have to keep doing what i'm doing and not let the numbers freak me out.

but seriously. URRGH!

news from the front

well, the battle continues here at casa de meg...i haven't made much progress in the weight loss department over the past few weeks--still fluctuating between 179 and the scary numbers. sigh. i weighed in this morning and was completely horrified, though i'm not going to put too much stock in that weigh-in...it was kind of a bad week/weekend.

i officially quit diet coke, though. that is BIG news. i've had about a 4-6 16oz. bottle a day habit now for i don't know how long, and i very suddenly decided that i didn't want to be chained to diet coke for the rest of my life. so i switched to a 4-6 bottles of water a day habit. it's been a week, and so far so good! i'm hoping it will help to get rid of my sugar cravings. so far it has helped some i think. mostly though, i'm just wanting to clear all of the artificial sweeteners out of my system.

i do feel motivated again, which is good. i want to be skinny and fit so bad i can taste it!...and too bad it doesn't taste like the freshly baked choc. chip cookies that my brother just pulled out of the oven...(arrgh)

yay!

minus another lb. this week. yippee!

i've been exercising every day. i seem to be getting better in the will power department and am passing on sweet stuff more often than not.

still need to work on eating fewer carbs and more vegs/fruit...and being more consistent about counting/food journaling.

that is all.

Alert!!!!

Thesis writing is over...until I get comments back from my advisors, then committee. One of my advisors is really really picky, so I'm a bit nervous about that.

But the alert is that I just spent 30 minutes rummaging through my closet trying to find something that fit me and looked decent. And no, I don't need to go shopping. I need to lose weight. I weighed in at 143. That is 3 pounds higher than my comfortable 140lb set point. And, 13-15 pounds higher than goal.

I can bike to the train again, which is 30 mintues of exercise, 5 days a week. Add in weekend exercise of more biking, walking, and kayaking, and I should be a-ok. But I need to get my eating back in check. I'm going to start counting again before I gain more weight! I know we aren't supposed to set goals dates for weight loss goals, but I'd really like to shed 5 pounds or so in the next 6 weeks (yeah, I probably won't make it) and another 5 pounds by July...

Reality Bites

i decided to face my fears and step on ye olde scale this morning.

hmm.

well, it could have been much much much worse, but i'm still none too pleased with my post-christmas tailspin. yes, i have been exercising...but my eating has been downright sinful. too many brownies, cookies, pizza, bread, chipotle and unrepentant eat-whatever-i-want behavior.

yes, reality bites. when i eat like crap, the number on the scale goes up. sad, but true. exercise does help...but it can't make all those extra calories disappear.

i am hoping this will provide the motivation that has been lacking this week. i think at least part of the problem is that it's january. we're deep in the thick of winter coat/bulky sweater season, so i'm feeling nice and comfy with any weight gain neatly hidden beneath my very cute winter coat. time to take the coat (and gloves) off.

(the number on the scale was 172.2...up from 169.4 the week before christmas. boo.)

Weigh-ing in the New Year

(I know I know, lame title, but I couldn't help it.) I weighed 140 this morning. I'm very pleased with that, considering my luxurious (read: buttery, inactive) holiday season. I'm also glad that my body seems to have some kind of stopping point around 140. I still hope to lose an additional 10 lbs or so in the next 6 months, but I don't need to, so if I just maintain from here, that's ok too.

The important thing now is keeping my eating habits and making exercise regular. I have diabetes running on both sides of the family so I need to ramp up my exercise for my health, not my looks. So far (erm, ok, just 2 days), marking my new calendar is working for me.

BTW, does anyone have a link (or book recommendation) for good Thera-band workouts?

chocoholics anonymous

hi, my name is meg and i've recently developed a major chocolate problem.

i blame my students.

so far this week i've received 3 plates of cookies, 1 plate of homemade fudge, 1 box of truffles, 2 king size symphony bars (the almond and toffee kind...mmmm), 1 package peppermint bark, 1 box of Ghiradelli mint chocolate squares and a box of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts.

and my brother made chocolate chip cookies 3 times. that's 72 cookies.

and i also seem to have found my way into my brother's cookies & cream ice cream (the real stuff, not low fat).

i've been a bad bad girl.

time to clean up my act. i'm throwing ALL of the chocolate away today. weighed in today at 170.4 (1 lb up from last week...), so all of this holiday cheer needs to stop immediately!

on the boy front...hmmm, lots of exciting things to report! it seems like this might be going somewhere! crazy! i've pretty much seen him everyday for a week... although now he is out of the country for 2 weeks for the holidays...sad, but maybe i'll actually be able to get some work done! maybe even a little blogging...

hello 160's!

yippee!!!

i weighed myself for the first time in two weeks...and i'm at 169.4! AND, that was with jeans and a heavy sweater. so, i bet i'm actually less than that in my usual weigh-in "outfit"....

hallelujah!

i was starting to get a little lax the past couple of days, so this is some great extra motivation to keep going. maybe i can reach my christmas goal (165)? or maybe i should make that number a new years goal...hmm...

on the boy-front:
i don't know how my life went from very boring to extremely dramatic in less than two weeks! i've seen a lot of him this week...and there have been some "interesting" developments. but, bottom line is i still don't know what i think.

but, it is exciting and entertaining (for the most part)..well, at least it's keeping my love counselor bri entertained ...we shall see where this goes...

Saved by the toothbrush!!!

I hate getting ready for bed - the worst part about getting ready for bed is brushing my teeth. I hate hate hate hate it.

Last night I was in the middle of baking 3 recipes of truffle cookies (I figured you didn't need a picture...the name says it all) and was madly stuffing my face with ugly specimens, broken off chunks, the works. I knew I needed to stop.

I tried to make popcorn so I would munch on that instead, but burned it after walking away from the stove. So I brushed my teeth. BRILLIANT. Why did I forget about this dieting trick? I hate brushing my teeth more than I love truffle cookies...so after brushing my teeth I was not going to eat any more cookie bits. HORAYYY!!!

Weigh-in: Stan is gone! At least for today. He took some friends with him and I lost 2.5 pounds (am now 137.5) - I'll wait a bit before updating the sidebar. Somehow, I think Stan will be back...

image credit

I'll name him Stan

I gained a pound this week. I think it's the same pound I lost last week. And the one I gained before my trip. And one of the pounds I lost the week before that. Since it seems that this pound keeps coming up, I'm going to name him Stan. So, this week Stan is back, and I'm not so thrilled about it. I think getting to 135 is going to be harder for me than I thought...urgh. Stan is not very motivating - for the past two days (while overeating) I've been trying to convince myself that I should stop counting points for a little while. right...that'll really help.

I feel swamped with work these days - school work, house work (I'd really love to have a finished bathroom), and I need to finish sewing up a diaper bag for a friend. So, exercise is going to be hard to fit in, especially since my hours at the lab are increasing...boourns. At least painting and woodwork counts as exercise, right? Do I get double for painting outside without a coat or gloves in really cold weather? Ahaha.

Two in a row

For the first time ever, I am exactly the same weight as I was last week. crazy! that never ever ever happens to me...i am usually all over the place. so, 174.6 it is again. i guess that is better than a gain!

i will be making approximately 48 sugar cookies today. i am a little scared, i have to say. my track record with cookies is just not good. so, i am trying to develop some will power before 8 pm....i think i will say i can have 3 total between today and tomorrow...but no more. too bad my sugar cookie recipe isn't gross--otherwise, this would be easy!


have a great weekend everyone!

Skepticism...and Motivation

I'm chuckling over my am steel cut oats because I've 2 pounds since Monday (1.5 pounds since I left for my food0fest odyssey). I should be really happy, but I'm quite skeptical. Sure, I ate well (um, ignoring those two free cookies from yesterday which were so not worth it - note to self) and exercised a bit. But I am waiting for the gain from all of those cakes and stuff. Anyway, we'll see if it catches up with me next week. For now, this little bit of weight loss is just I needed in the motivation department, which has gotten a little pathetic lately.

Oh, I tried on my progress pants last night - they look good from the front and the back but from the sides, the pockets still pull apart.

Sorry I've been a bad blogger this week - I'll be better next week. Promise.

Have good weekends everyone!

real progress!

i finally broke the 175 barrier! this week i'm 174.6. i can't even remember what i was last week...176-something. anyway, i'm very excited.

no brother in la casa...so far so good! i am cookie-free. however, i do need to work on eating fewer carbs (particularly kashi granola bars and fiber one bars...) and get back to vegetables. that is always the first "new habit" that i lose. and more water, and more exercise...but, for now, i'm just happy to see a number w/ a 4 in it!

monday? already?

soooo...let's see here...how about a mini-update in bullet-format?

*another successful episode of beat-the-crafty-table on saturday! i even managed to avoid eating pizza during a long night of filming...when it was like 40 degrees outside and i had no coat and really really wanted something warm. i did however have 1 breadstick. not too shabby.

*"accidentally" ate 2 snickerdoodles though that were in my brother's car (ha ha, that sounds weird...but they were fresh--not like under the seat or something!)..and had a few of the bro's choc. chip cookies that have been all over the house lately...but, i did count them all.

*managed to almost use all my flex points in a granola bar attack. oops. seriously, don't know what my problem was. i just couldn't get enough of those kashi chewy trail mix bars...

*staying motivated w/ exercise...have walked on treadmill every day (or night) for about a week.

*brother leaves for china tomorrow. no more cookies! yahoo!

ok...that's all for tonight...sorry i've been a bad blogger lately--i have been reading all of yours but keep running out of time to comment!

Fluctuate

yea...i think i should change the name of the blog to "fluctuate"...that seems to be more accurate than "skinnify"...well, at least for me!

i am down this week, but still not to the pre-birthday 175. last week i was 177 on wednesday.. and 178.6 on friday... and this friday i'm 176.2. though i am happy to apparently have lost like 2 lbs, i don't get it. i'll say it again and again. numbers just don't make sense.

well anyway...i feel like i'm on a roll with the diet and exercise thing this week, so i'll just keep doing what i'm doing. i seem to have found the right combination of enough stress to keep me busy and away from the cupboard (but not enough to turn me into a cookie monster), willpower, and motivation to exercise...now if i can just keep going this way. experience has shown that this is the danger zone for me...i tend to start thinking i can get away with things as soon as i see a loss and then boom--back to where i started.

random side note: last night one of my students moms told me she's lost 65 lbs. (she looks great--when i first met her she was over 300 lbs.) she said this is the first time she's been under 300 lbs in 16 years. wow. i am so totally impressed. people like that inspire me.