Sunday, July 27, 2008


i don't know what my deal is. but i've got some crazy mental warp with boys and my weight. let me elaborate:

there was a short-lived romance going on for me during november-january. it was during this time that i got down to 169, without really trying.

as soon as said short-lived romance was over, the scale started to creep up. but anytime there was a new boy on the scene, the scale would go down. when i'm nervous about a new boy, i just don't eat. and it's not like i do it intentionally. i just forget. no really, i forget. and when i'm not forgetting to eat, i somehow have astounding willpower and eat incredibly healthy, low-cal etc.etc.

but when i go on a bad blind date, or get flat-out rejected, the scale always goes up. mostly because i start eating again...and i drown my sorrows in my brother's ever-present cookies.

it's been kind of a roller coaster lately, but if i were to graph my weight, the overall trend has been going up for the past 7 months. (holy cow, 7 months??!)

anyway, it's been on my mind this week because there has been a new boy on the scene. and i've been doing the forgetting-to-eat thing again. i know, not healthy at all. but all of my clothes are a whole lot looser. like A LOT. even just after a week. (and yes, i know it is all just water weight blah blah blah.)

but, now that the new boy is gone (another one bites the dust!), i found myself today suddenly starving and (big surprise) all i wanted to eat was ice cream, cookies and cake. luckily, i didn't have any within reach. it's like my brain has either two settings: BOY or FOOD.

here's what i don't get:
1. if i forget to eat when i'm thinking about a boy, why can't i forget to eat if i'm thinking about other work or something?

2. why don't i ever learn? every time this happens, i think "ok, this time i'm going to capitalize on all of the progress i just accidentally made and eat right and exercise so that i don't just gain back everything and then some." but usually i end up going for the cookies.

seriously, it's ridiculous. this vicious cycle has been happening for ever. like since i was about 10. (and i think it has probably taken a serious toll on my metabolism...)

so, i don't know what to do about it. check myself in for some intense therapy? maybe. but blogging about it feels therapeutic.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Welllll... I've been off of the "let's not act like a total pig" bandwagon for errr, 3-4 months now. Surprisingly, the damage was only a few pounds. But it has been enough to make me feel different about how I look and fit into clothes. Now that I'm back from Italy, its time for a reset. Luckily, I was a bit sick last week, which wiped my appetite for me, allowing me reset it back into "reasonable" mode. Result? I've lost 2.5 pounds in a week and a half. We'll see if this trend sticks around.

I have a major issue with free food at work - free food is normally nasty and does not fit in with my "no fake food" diet that I stick to at home. So why do I eat it? WHY? Well, I seem to be resisting it for now, though I each eat a donut for dinner last night - I am crazy busy right now and really need to get some food to leave at work for emergency dinners. The good news? I actually turned the donut into my dinner, instead of just a snack, which is what I would have done a few weeks ago. (I ate some grilled veggies and a little cheese and cold cuts when I got home to get some low-cal nutrition in...)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

the wake up call

this morning i had an official IT'S REALLY TIME TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS wake up call.

i got stuck in my dress.

i was trying on outfits this morning and put on one of my favorite dresses--a white cotton 3/4 sleeve shirt dress from j crew. it looked great last year.

this year? well, after putting it on and deciding that i needed to lose 10 lbs, i was trying to take it off...and i got stuck. somehow, my arms were stuck in the sleeves and i couldn't get the dress back over my head.

so i'm sitting there, with the dress halfway over my head thinking "great, i'm either going to have to cut the dress off of me, enlist my brother to come help me pull the dress off....or, someone will find me here with the dress stuck over my head after i have died of embarrassment."

luckily, after about 3-5 minutes of shimmying, i got the dress off.

but seriously, it's time to take action.

just now i was in the kitchen and the mortifying image of myself in the stuck dress was enough to keep my paws out of the cookie jar.

seriously. i have to laugh...because otherwise i'd cry!

Friday, July 18, 2008

location, location, location

i read an interesting article in the nytimes about habits (see it here)

it said, among other things, that a lot of our habits come from cues that we see and then cause us to repeat the same behaviors over and over again. it talked about how when you want to change a habit, having a new location (like being on vacation, or moving) can make it easier because you don't have any of the old cues there to trip you up.


so, as i've been thinking about this, i've realized (again) that i have been pretty much unsuccessful in the weight-loss department since i moved my main workstation upstairs, right next to the kitchen. every time i see the kitchen, i want to eat something...and now everytime i sit down at my computer i want to eat something. i think the computer has turned into a snack cue for me. and i have very easy kitchen access. this is bad. (i spend a lot of time at the computer...)

so, i'm going to move my workstation. i'm not sure where, but something has to change stat! i really think my snackiness is the culprit.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

getting back on track. again.

soooo....let's see. it's been like, um, i don't even know how long since my last post. here's the short recap:

1. my knee has totally been bugging me, so i have been a total slacker about exercise. lame-o? yea, probably.

2. bri and i took a fanfreakingtastic trip to italy! yes, that's right. italy! the worst place to be on a diet. well, maybe that's not true... we walked A LOT.

3. i'm still craving all of the yummy pasta, bread and gelato.

4. i recently discovered the best choc. chip cookie recipe ever on the NY Times. (cue the thunder and lightning/foboding sound effects). seriously yummy. big problem.

5. i don't know how much i weigh and don't want to find out.

6. i'm really unmotivated most of the time. until i try on something that fit last year, and doesn't fit so well now. and then i vow to get serious. which usually lasts until i encounter a cookie or something, and then..well, you get the idea.

soooo....time to get with the program. any program. i figured blogging would be a good first step. sigh.