I'm gross.

I am totally gross. I don't know what came over me yesterday. Since last week, I've been on best behavior - eating well and exercising regularly. But yesterday was a day of minor stresses and I ended eating really yucky bad for me things that I would never had eaten when I'm being sane. Or had Kashi TLC or Larabars on hand (I certainly have them at work today).

The trouble is that we have several weekly meetings. And at each of them are Dunkin Donuts bagels and donuts and coffee. I normally try to stick to the coffee since the bagels and donuts are yucky and make me hungrier if i eat them. But I usually end up eating about a 1/3 of one in a moment of weakness. No biggie.

Well yesterday, I ended up picking at the leftovers (there were a lot this time) throughout the bay and ended up eating a whopping 2.5 donuts and a third of a bagel with cream cheese. I am so gross! Although I'm know to have my moments, this was particularly bad. Especially because one of the donuts looked just like that pink one that they use to promote the Simpsons Movie. Yucky, right? I'm so gross. I also had my normal meals: grapenuts, coffee, banana, pear, white bean kale soup, string cheese, and a small bit of shepard's pie. Oh, and Lindt truffle thingy (white chocolate - I don't even like white chocolate!)

Anyway. I'm doing a bit better today, though I did just scarf down a Larabar (not low cal, but better than eating MORE bagels and donuts).

In better news, my school has a yearly fitness team challenge. Basically, you get into teams of 6 and everyone tries to exercise a minimum of a certain number of minutes per week. It goes on for something like 10 weeks and ramps up the minutes. This week is 150, so I should be able to make it easily. I'm glad I signed up, especially in light on the donut madness. Certainly, minor stresses are about to add up for me in the coming months.

The Tire

As you may have surmised from my lack of blogging lately, I haven't been the 200% dieter that I wanted to be lately. I'm not exactly sure why - probably a combination of being busy, being lazy when I'm not being busy, and liking food too much and exercise not enough. I haven't quite fallen off the wagon yet, but my leg is kind of dangling off...if you know what I mean.

I've been kinda exercising (thanks to marking my calendar when I exercised) and eating has been so so, but there have been more sweets than I care to admit. (Oh, and just because chocolate covered peppermint marshmallows are "not as bad" as cookies doesn't mean a dieter should make a double batch and leave them out in a clear container. Oy.)

Last week I weighed in at 141.5 which was higher than I wanted and after a small incident with come cake, whip cream, and marshmallows, I was starting to feel my "tire". It's getting a bit squishy and just more THERE than it was a few weeks ago. It's not very apparent, but I don't feel as comfortable in tight shirts.

So, I need to do something about this. I need to firm up on points (I keep cheating here and there) and exercise more. The problem is that work is ramping up again and I'm just not sure I have the energy to bother right now. I'll be graduating this semester, so these next few months are going to be really rough (paper writing, paper re-writing, finishing experiments, writing dissertation, giving talks, finding a post doc position, etc.). Often when I get home from school, I am totally zonked and feel lucky that I at least have healthy food around (um, except for those darn marshmallows and spice cake. sheeet.) Exercise is totally out of the question. And on weekends, I'm way more interested in spending time with the boy and my friends, and relaxing or fixing up the house.

So, help!!! What would you do if you thought life was about to get a whole lot busier, your waistline was getting a whole lot flabbier, and you're not sure you care enough to do something about it but care enough to try a little and feel guilty about it the rest of the time? I know I should put my foot down and declare war on my weight but I don't know if I have it in me right now.

(image credit)

Reality Bites

i decided to face my fears and step on ye olde scale this morning.

hmm.

well, it could have been much much much worse, but i'm still none too pleased with my post-christmas tailspin. yes, i have been exercising...but my eating has been downright sinful. too many brownies, cookies, pizza, bread, chipotle and unrepentant eat-whatever-i-want behavior.

yes, reality bites. when i eat like crap, the number on the scale goes up. sad, but true. exercise does help...but it can't make all those extra calories disappear.

i am hoping this will provide the motivation that has been lacking this week. i think at least part of the problem is that it's january. we're deep in the thick of winter coat/bulky sweater season, so i'm feeling nice and comfy with any weight gain neatly hidden beneath my very cute winter coat. time to take the coat (and gloves) off.

(the number on the scale was 172.2...up from 169.4 the week before christmas. boo.)

All over the map

no, i haven't been globetrotting, unfortunately. my eating has been all over the place though. wiggity-wack, if you will.

some days i'm super good...then i'm super duper BAD, followed by some mediocre days, followed by stretches of cookies and eating out.

sigh.

it's all emotional eating. it's been non-stop dramarama + stressarama around these parts for a few weeks, so my mind has been elsewhere. i haven't been counting. i haven't weighed in since before christmas. i'm bad. the worst part is i don't really care. although i know i will very shortly.

i have been exercising everyday, however. that seems to be the one good thing goin' on in the weight loss department. and hallelujah i had the foresight to invest in that treadmill a few months ago--that has probably kept me from gaining about 20 lbs this winter.

any suggestions for pulling myself out of this rut? (before i have to call in a crane to lift me out?!)

note to self: MUST STOP EATING!

i don't know what my problem is.

i am hungry.

all

the

time.

i just can't stop eating. seriously. i'm munchy-munchy/starving all day. i think my stomach got really stretched out from christmas and now my body thinks it needs like 2500 calories to survive. or something.

any advice? (besides duct tape over my mouth?)

exercise is going fine...i'm doing pilates 3x a week and i go walking everyday (treadmill or mallwalking) for 60+ min.

but seriously, i'd need to be running several marathons a week to justify this much eatiness. i just need to break the cycle and get back to "angelic" meg. where did she go?!

On again, off again

That should actually read: "off again, on again...hopefully".

This weekend, I kind of had a couple (read: lots) of needless incidents with chocolate covered pretzels, whipped cream (no, not like that!), peppermint marshmallows, blueberry pie, espresso chocolate, craisins, bread, cheese.

It wasn't even worth it, and I'm not sure what caused it. Maybe I will trying to fill the void of the mac and cheese I've been craving. At least I burned some calories sanding the walls in the bathroom (ouch).

Anyway, I've pretty much used all of my flex points which don't reset until Friday. So, I cleaned out the fridge and make the following to help me eat well, but low calorie, for the rest of the week: chicken curry, steel cut oats, apple sauce with cranberries, and split pea soup. This weekend I also made up some pureed white beans with garlic and rosemary to go with some scallops - soooo good and healthy. I think I'll be making more bean purees.

b

Weigh-ing in the New Year

(I know I know, lame title, but I couldn't help it.) I weighed 140 this morning. I'm very pleased with that, considering my luxurious (read: buttery, inactive) holiday season. I'm also glad that my body seems to have some kind of stopping point around 140. I still hope to lose an additional 10 lbs or so in the next 6 months, but I don't need to, so if I just maintain from here, that's ok too.

The important thing now is keeping my eating habits and making exercise regular. I have diabetes running on both sides of the family so I need to ramp up my exercise for my health, not my looks. So far (erm, ok, just 2 days), marking my new calendar is working for me.

BTW, does anyone have a link (or book recommendation) for good Thera-band workouts?

how do you like them apples?

i've discovered a new, pre-packaged friend.

apparently, i'm the laziest person alive because i find it *very* difficult to cut up an apple. i don't know why. for some reason, when i want a snack, cutting an apple (or peeling an orange etc.) always feels so...labor-intensive? i know. it's sad, but true. for some reason, i always think opening up a granola bar wrapper will be so much faster.

well, i've started eating these pre-sliced apples and i love them.

i'm sure that there are multiple reasons i shouldn't eat these (i.e. chemicals on the apples to make them not go brown...), but for now, it's helping me eat more fruit and less non-fruit/veg pre-packaged foods. (such as evil granola bars, cereal, cookies etc. etc.) i figure i'm already ingesting enough chemicals via diet coke to kill a small animal...so, what is a few more?

yesterday...well, i was a bad girl yesterday. the bro made choc. chip cookies and i just couldn't keep my paws off of them. i don't even want to say how many i ate. let's just say it was more than 5 and less than 8. (gasp!) i spent 90 minutes on the treadmill as penance. and i probably burned off about 1 cookie. go me.

Being good...and clutter free

Being good feels good. I need to remember that. Meg wrote about this a while ago too, but I'd just forgotten about it until today when I was actually good and didn't suffer from it - it just felt good. I think I'm not alone is this all or nothing "goodness" behavior. Though today, I was just so happy to be able to put two silver dots next to Jan 2 on my new super cute letterpress calendar that I got from Meg (thanks!). Baby steps...baby steps... But seriously, I feel like I'm either "together" and good or "disheveled/lazy" and not good.

I remember a while back there was discussion on the blogs about being organized and clean and keeping on track (again, the "on" or "off" mode). Well, we aren't alone. Check this out: purging your clutter and weight-loss go hand in hand.

This makes a lot of sense to me - living in a mess (as I usually do) is stressful , a time drain, and makes me feel bad about myself. It's time to get my act together - last night I purged my magazines and books and mugs and we have plans to load up the car with our "give away" pile in the basement this weekend - I can't wait. (Do I get to count lifting as exercise?)

I love work

I know, not a typical statement out of a finishing, disgruntled grad student, but I love work for the sake of my diet. I drink more water and eat fewer calories when I'm not at home. Needless to say, I need a "schedule" to get back on track from my vacation time. I had a nice, relaxing break - but it did include a lot of eating and not much exercise. This year, I simply need to get on track with my exercise again. So far, the scale has been kind to me and I've been weighing in just under 140, but I think my body just hasn't had time yet to churn the recent calorie influx in to fat... My game plan for exercise is a little childish, but worked for me beofre: put up a calendar and circle or highlight days that I exercised... Seems simple enough, so I'll keep you updated as to how it goes.

I know it is supposed to be "bad" to set timelines for weight loss goals and such, but this year I want to be skinny and fit by June. The fam is coming out for graduation and (hello vanity!) I want to look good. My mom ALWAYS gives me a hard time about my weight, and I don't want to hear a peep out of her about it this time around. (Last time she visited, it took her only 25 hours before saying something about the size of my rear...real nice.)

In other news, I can pee upstairs now. I'm SO EXCITED about that. We made a lot of progress on our bathroom redo and hope to put up some pictures for you when it's really finished. I'm hoping that all of the bathroom building worked off some of my extra calories too...

Happy New Year to everyone!

back on the wagon

so...let me see if i can give you a brief tour of the last 2 weeks.

i ate A LOT.
a lot of sugar. more sugar. and more sugar. cookies, cake, dessert, chocolate, bread, ice cream. you name it, i ate it. and i didn't count it.

i don't know what happened to the motivation that was keeping me so...good?...angelic?...or at least just on track from thanksgiving until christmas...

well, in any case, it's high time to get back on track.

i start counting today. and not just counting until about 3 pm when i stop caring. all day. everyday.

i did manage to keep up with the exercise, which is good. but, i haven't stepped on the scale in a few weeks and i'm really nervous about that...scary stuff!