chocoholics anonymous

hi, my name is meg and i've recently developed a major chocolate problem.

i blame my students.

so far this week i've received 3 plates of cookies, 1 plate of homemade fudge, 1 box of truffles, 2 king size symphony bars (the almond and toffee kind...mmmm), 1 package peppermint bark, 1 box of Ghiradelli mint chocolate squares and a box of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts.

and my brother made chocolate chip cookies 3 times. that's 72 cookies.

and i also seem to have found my way into my brother's cookies & cream ice cream (the real stuff, not low fat).

i've been a bad bad girl.

time to clean up my act. i'm throwing ALL of the chocolate away today. weighed in today at 170.4 (1 lb up from last week...), so all of this holiday cheer needs to stop immediately!

on the boy front...hmmm, lots of exciting things to report! it seems like this might be going somewhere! crazy! i've pretty much seen him everyday for a week... although now he is out of the country for 2 weeks for the holidays...sad, but maybe i'll actually be able to get some work done! maybe even a little blogging...

blahhhhhhhh

really freakin cold weather + too much school work + too much home repair work = not cooking or eating healthy foods + not exercising (except shoveling, stressing, shivering, and balancing icy sidewalks) = probably gaining weight and not really caring

Last week, this formula meant that I craved uber salty noodle soup (Asian, any kind of Asian, I am equal opportunity) in a big way right before weigh in. Weigh in was way way way bad. so bad it was impossible to be just fat. But ever since Friday, I'm been too afraid to weigh myself again.

I just have too much on my mind right now to worry too much about losing these last 0-15 lbs. I keep flip flopping (like my ex-gov Mitt - that horrible horrible man who wants to fight secularism - WTF?) about whether to stay around 140, which I think is my happy idon'thavetotryveryhardtomaintainthis weight or shoot for the goal of weighing less than the boy.

Looks like I'll be a proper American and pledge to lose it come the New Year...


Addendum: I almost forgot! I'm watching the biggest loser finale tomorrow night with a bunch of skinny girls - is this a huge mistake or what? I'm CRAZY. (I was also the big girl again at a party this weekend - I HATE THAT. sigh.)

hello 160's!

yippee!!!

i weighed myself for the first time in two weeks...and i'm at 169.4! AND, that was with jeans and a heavy sweater. so, i bet i'm actually less than that in my usual weigh-in "outfit"....

hallelujah!

i was starting to get a little lax the past couple of days, so this is some great extra motivation to keep going. maybe i can reach my christmas goal (165)? or maybe i should make that number a new years goal...hmm...

on the boy-front:
i don't know how my life went from very boring to extremely dramatic in less than two weeks! i've seen a lot of him this week...and there have been some "interesting" developments. but, bottom line is i still don't know what i think.

but, it is exciting and entertaining (for the most part)..well, at least it's keeping my love counselor bri entertained ...we shall see where this goes...

Bad Bad Bri

I've been a bad blogger. But I've also been a bad dieter. I've been shoveling truffle cookies in my mouth like they are the last things I'll ever eat. (I sent the rest with the boy to work today.) I've been sleeping in too late to exercise or even eat breakfast (gasp!) - replacing that meal with a Larabar (incredibly good - not all fakeybarfoodlike - however not low calorie...) I haven't been exercising at night either. And Stan is back (surprise surprise). Sigh.

ok, time to get serious

ok...i confess, this whole week has pretty much been a wash as far as diet and exercise. i got in two pilates workouts, but no walking. i haven't really been keeping track of what i'm eating...(which has included in the last 48 hours those evil danish shortbread cookies, chocolate chip cookies, frosted flakes and who knows what else...) and, i forgot to weigh in on friday. like seriously forgot, not just pretend forgot.

where did all my motivation go??!!

i think i kind of started thinking i was invincible. after my (glorious and victorious) thanksgiving weekend, i thought i could do no wrong. and this week, my appetite has been all out of whack too due to the new boy/butterflies...so i started into that all-too-familiar backslide "well, i pretty much didn't eat anything on tuesday or wednesday, so i can eat whatever i want for the rest of the week..."

no no no! we all know exactly where that backslide ends up...

SO...it's time to get back on track. i am hopping on my treadmill right now and i will be counting everything i eat starting tomorrow.

and..for your daily dose of "as meg's world turns"...
i went out w/ the new boy again on saturday...and have plans to go out again monday (movies), thursday (his company holiday party) and saturday (symphony) this week...and possibly more days than that if he has his way....! :)

(sorry, not very many juicy details. i leave that to your imaginations...)

Saved by the toothbrush!!!

I hate getting ready for bed - the worst part about getting ready for bed is brushing my teeth. I hate hate hate hate it.

Last night I was in the middle of baking 3 recipes of truffle cookies (I figured you didn't need a picture...the name says it all) and was madly stuffing my face with ugly specimens, broken off chunks, the works. I knew I needed to stop.

I tried to make popcorn so I would munch on that instead, but burned it after walking away from the stove. So I brushed my teeth. BRILLIANT. Why did I forget about this dieting trick? I hate brushing my teeth more than I love truffle cookies...so after brushing my teeth I was not going to eat any more cookie bits. HORAYYY!!!

Weigh-in: Stan is gone! At least for today. He took some friends with him and I lost 2.5 pounds (am now 137.5) - I'll wait a bit before updating the sidebar. Somehow, I think Stan will be back...

image credit

butterflies...

yea, so, sorry i'm hijacking this normally diet-related blog to write about butterflies.

well, they are butterflies in my stomach, so i guess that's diet-related, right?

since a few people asked... i went out with blind date guy again last night...and let's just say there might be something there to be giddy about!

in classic meg fashion, when i have boy-related giddiness, i lose my appetite completely and forget to eat. yes, you read that right. i forget to eat. generally i tend to lose a whole ton of weight, only to gain in back (plus some) as soon as the butterflies/giddiness settles down.

so, this time around, i'm making myself eat. no starving. no messed up metabolism.

and we'll see how long these butterflies last...

Grocery bills

I swear, I really do things other than read the New York Times (I read blogs and shop too!)...but I have another article to pass along. This one summarizes a recent study about how much a 2000 calorie diet costs in terms of junk food or presumably "healthy" calorie-sparse foods. The cost difference is about 10 times per calorie! They also report that the average American spends ~$7 per day on food while low-income Americans spend ~$4. Reading the article reminded me of the discussion over at Sister Skinny a while back about grocery bills. As I commented, I spend a lot of food, $400-500 per month for two, which is right in the range for average Americans! That makes me feel a bit better since I always have wallet guilt as I leave the grocery store...

I also wonder what would happen is we got rid of the farm subsidies - would we see a change in people's diets and health if highly-processed, calorie-dense foods became more expensive? (I'll plug the Omnivore's Dilemma again - read it!!!) I could go on and on about this issue, but I'll spare you.

On my diet front - eating has been good, exercising has been lacking, to put it nicely. Speaking of, I'd better head to the treadmill...

Ease up on perfectionism, lose the weight?

A friend sent me this New York Times article about perfectionism and I couldn't help thinking that maybe perfectionism is interfering with my weight loss (I am a perfectionist, though the messiest you will ever meet). I'm not really sure that the article says anything, except pointing out that perfectionism is encouraged by society and that perfectionists are critical and prone to unhappiness over minor bumps in the road that wouldn't phase others. This is not earth shattering, but I found the following to be relevant to the weight-loss struggles that we blog and blog and blog about:

Consider a recent study by psychologists at Curtin University of Technology in Australia, who found that the level of “all or nothing” thinking predicted how well perfectionists navigated their lives. The researchers had 252 participants fill out questionnaires rating their level of agreement with 16 statements like “I think of myself as either in control or out of control” and “I either get on very well with people or not at all.”

...

The burden of perfectionist expectations is all too familiar to anyone who has struggled to kick a bad habit. Break down just once — have one smoke, one single drink — and at best it’s a “slip.” At worst it’s a relapse, and more often it’s a fall off the wagon: failure. And if you’ve already fallen, well, may as well pour yourself two or three more.

It is so common that as dieters we "fall off the wagon" on weekends, or in stressful times, or from a bad weigh-in. Once we indulge in that second piece of cake or finish off that new bottle of wine, all hell brakes loose and out "good" eating and exercise habits go out the window (for me, I'll stay in this state for either a day or until my points reset). I think that many of us, myself included, are either in diet-mode or whocaresimsotiredofdieting-mode.

For this weight loss attempt, I've been concentrating on moderation. I have tried to avoid extreme healthy eating and crazy exercise schedules, instead aiming for "sustainability". But it is hard. More often than not, I find it too easy to use moderation as an excuse to indulge. And once indulgence starts (chips at a party, that darn brownie, those fun sized candy bars), I may stay "on program" but I usually find excuses to exercise less (u-HEM, tonight for example...lemon curd incident #10 + no treadmill!). Is real moderation so difficult to maintain because it just is, or because of perfectionism? (Does calling it perfectionism make it just sound nice?) If I can control the perfectionism, can I control my weight?

OK, I'm kind of rambling now. But all this also made me question my motives for trying to lose more weight than I have. I'm not overweight. I'm not fat. I'm not chubby. But I'm just not as skinny as I want to be, and I think about that ALL THE TIME. Is this because I'm a perfectionist? Or maybe I'm just vain?

So...what do you think? Are you a perfectionist, and do you think it impacts your weight loss or maintenance?

weekend review

sooo...things are going ok. for some reason, i have a much easier time blogging when things aren't going very well. something about sharing successes just feels like bragging/boasting/showing off, which i'm just not a fan of...know what i mean? but then again, i read other people's blogs to read their successes...and actually the whole point of this blog is to be successful. well anyway, i'm rambling.

i managed to stay on track this weekend. the brother is back along with his frozen pizzas, tubs of ice cream and refrigerated cookie dough. i haven't touched any of it. when i picked him up yesterday we drove through Carl's Jr and he ordered a load of food (literally. probably like 5000 calories) and i didn't even ask for one fry.

i went out to dinner w/ a friend on friday night. he ordered an enormous piece of my very favorite carrot cake in the whole world. i only had 2 bites. (first time ever) i can usually eat almost a whole piece by myself. but, i just stuck to my salad except for the 2 (heavenly) bites.

saturday was le blind date. it went ok. actually my friend from friday night gave me some really great advice for how to not suck at first dates. (i really suck at them. plus i hate them--double whammy.) anyway, i took his advice and it worked, apparently. the blind date wants to go out again! (i'm not sure what i think about him, but at least it wasn't the horrific experience that it usually is...)

so, i haven't done a ton of exercise this weekend..that is first on the to-do list for tomorrow...but for right now, i'm happy that i didn't have a cataclysmic diet-blowing, depression and/or binge-fest inducing weekend. i could get used to this..

I'll name him Stan

I gained a pound this week. I think it's the same pound I lost last week. And the one I gained before my trip. And one of the pounds I lost the week before that. Since it seems that this pound keeps coming up, I'm going to name him Stan. So, this week Stan is back, and I'm not so thrilled about it. I think getting to 135 is going to be harder for me than I thought...urgh. Stan is not very motivating - for the past two days (while overeating) I've been trying to convince myself that I should stop counting points for a little while. right...that'll really help.

I feel swamped with work these days - school work, house work (I'd really love to have a finished bathroom), and I need to finish sewing up a diaper bag for a friend. So, exercise is going to be hard to fit in, especially since my hours at the lab are increasing...boourns. At least painting and woodwork counts as exercise, right? Do I get double for painting outside without a coat or gloves in really cold weather? Ahaha.

loss or maintain?

so, 2 fridays ago i was 174.6, then i weighed myself again a few days later and was 170.4. but, i was pretty sure that was a fluke.

well, today the scale read 170.4 again! (yay!) so is it a loss or a maintain? hmm, i'm gonna go with loss...or maintain...or loss...really i don't care. as long as the numbers are getting smaller, i'm happy. with thanksgiving and all i was just trying not to gain, so i'm happy to have been successful at that!

hopefully i can just keep doing what i'm doing. the brother comes back from china tomorrow, along with his cookie habit...and i'm going on yet another blind date...which are never ever my favorite and often trigger the eat-everything-in-the-house reflex.


so (in the words of Michael Bluth) i'm just hoping to

"keep my head down and power through"

I thought I was a morning person...

I always thought I was a morning exerciser - get on the treadmill first thing and forget about it for the rest of the day. But I was a bit slow to get out of bed this morning and skipped my 30 min session. Tonight, I was on for an easy 60 min while I happily watched TV (prime time is way better than the Today show - who knew?) - it makes me wonder if I should change up my routine. I think if I switch to evenings I'll be a little unreliable but will have a better workout when I get around to it. Hrmm...decisions, decisions...

On the other front, I've been losing a bit of motivation lately (thanks Mr. Scale - I hate you too) but luckily my produce delivery is keeping me on track and I've been hitting the winter veggies pretty hard. I love cauliflower as "mashed potatoes" - the boy once claimed that he didn't like it, but last night polished off the pot...liar.

thanksgiving special edition

hello again.

well, i just have to say that i'm sort of mystified by my own *extremely good behavior* over the last week or so. it's like being inhabited by another person...you know, one of those people who actually has it together and doesn't overeat and always exercises? you know, one of those skinny people...

honestly, i can't really account for the change. it just seems to have happened in the last few weeks...i have gotten things under control. maybe my brother being gone? hmm. i was fully expecting a total relapse when i went home last week...but the relapse never happened. nice. let's just keep it this way, shall we?

i've been exercising (walking 60 min) every day. even on thanksgiving.

i said no to the rolls. (gasp!)

i said no to a second piece of pumpkin pie (what?)

i said no to a second serving of stuffing (my favorite!)

i kept track of all my points every day. and i managed to not snack away the entire pantry like i used to do. (seriously. i'm not making this up!)

and...we made magnolia cupcakes for my sister's b-day. (these are a *total* trigger/weakness for me). guess how many i ate? 2 cupcakes over 2 days. i have been known to eat like 6-12 in a day. no joke. just 2?! crazy. good crazy though.

so...i don't know who this alien is that is inhabiting my physical space...but, i hope she stays around.

haven't checked the scale so i have no idea what i weigh...i hope i stick at the fluke 170 mark i was at before thanksgiving...or the 160's would be a nice surprise...

and OH OH OH! guess what? i bought a skirt in size 10 this weekend! and i tried on size 32 joes jeans and they were too big. 31's fit!!! yippee skippee!

(thanks for letting me brag.)

Confessions

Um, this was a whoopsy holiday weekend. I honestly don't know how much I ate and thinking about it makes me feel guilty. (Think pie, lemon curd, whip cream, stuffing, prime rib, waffles, scones, garlic bread, fries, creamed mushrooms, real mashed potatos...over 4 days...oh, and no exercise.) But it was a nice relaxing weekend with friends and my nice husband, so it was worth it. I'll give myself 5 flex for the rest of the week so I don't give up counting. After being a slothpig all weekend, I "feel" the fat around my mid section and love handles...like the weight was gained instantly. I know it's just in my head - does this happen to anyone else?

Tag, I'm It!! (and I'm also VERY late) (sorry)

ok...i know you have all been checking your computers every 6 minutes to read my 5 interesting things about me...sorry to keep you all waiting! ha ha ha. here they are:

1. i have never been on an upside down roller coaster. no current plans to either...

2. i had the chicken pox twice (once in kindergarten and once in 2nd grade)

3. i have a crazy, but super useful knack for remembering number sequences, such as phone numbers, bank accounts, credit cards etc. seriously, i know all the info on my parents, family, exes, etc. i would make a fantastic criminal, if i were so inclined. (don't worry, i'm not)

4. i can't roll my tongue.

5. i get right and left mixed up. there's a name for this...and i can't ever remember what it is...but if you tell me to turn left, i'll turn right. i still have to hold up my left hand to find the "L"...the funny thing is, i also have a great sense of direction...as long as the words "right" and "left" don't come into play.

so. there it is! thanks hotthickchick for the link!

and i believe bri has already tagged our 5...(see post below)

Steroid-free water for me, please!

I'm a little late on the ball for this, I suppose. But BPAs (Bisphenol Aan estrogen mimic) are leeched into foods that are stored in polycarbonate plastic. This is a concern primarily for small children and women of child-bearing age (ack!). I use a lot of plastics in my kitchen - my microwaveable tupperware ($$$$) is polycarbonate (the company won't respond to my emails about exchanging my products) and so are my Nalgene bottles. I'm slowly trying to transition away from my beloved tupperware (I'm so mad that them right now!) and for now will not store oily foods in them. But since I drink 2-3L of water a day from a Nalgene at work, I decided to give up the bottles and get these Sigg beauties instead (0.6 and 1 L).

food journal: Yesterday I ate 20, exercised 2, flex left 20. Today I ate 20, exercised 0, flex left 20.

Tag, we're it!

We've been tagged by our dear friend Hot Thick Chick! Here are the rules (which I also stole from her): Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs let them know they are TAGGED by leaving a comment on their blog.

5 REALLY INTERESTING things about me:

1. I've was once detained by the Turkish military police.

2. I love cheese so much that as I child, I used to sneak small sliced of the fancy cheeses in our fridge so that my parents wouldn't know. bad bad girl.

3. I can't do a cartwheel. I was the only girl in my 4th grade class who couldn't do one.

4. I really want a nice big dog. For now though, I've become the crazy cat lady. I'll tell you all about my cats if you give me the chance. And oh yeah, I firmly believe that they are the best cats ever... You all should be glad that I have resisted posting pictures of them on here!

5. I love a bargain (Meg will back me up - I'm super cheap). I also love J. Crew. So I check their website at least daily to catch the good deals. I rarely find them, but when I do... How embarassing.

These lovely people are it!
Soap Box Girl (on vacation, but we can't wait for her to come back!)
Cara
Healthy Pear (where did you go? we miss you!)
Bionic Woman

the sugar cookie diaries...

yea, remember when i said my goal was 3 sugar cookies total? hmm. that didn't quite happen. i ate 9 cookies total over 4 days.

is that a lot?

ok, just kidding, i know it's a lot. too many, actually. BUT...it's much much much better than past sugar cookie episodes where i've eaten 9 in one sitting....followed by another 9 a few hours later. i was very proud of myself and gave away about 3 doz. of the ones that were left over and then i threw away the remaining cookies.

even though i ate way way way too many cookies, i didn't really eat much else...so i stayed within my points. i even walked for an hour yesterday. no brother=best dieting secret ever.

and...guess what? i weighed myself yesterday and the scale said 170.4! (lowest weight since starting blog). it might be water weight, it might be a fluke, but i really don't care. i'll take it!

(maybe i can actually reach my christmas goal...)

Points report part 2

OK, I probably ate more than I should have, but my points estimate comes in at 28 for today, using 8 flex points leaving 20 for the rest of the week. I think I can keep all of those until Thursday...

Lately, I'd been feeling pretty good about how I look shapewise. I think that was contributing to last week's "I'm tired of this" whine session. Then yesterday I saw myself naked in the mirror. Let's just say, that burst my bubble, and has made me recommit to losing a few more pounds. It also makes me appreciate my clothes that much more.

Points report part 1

My weekend has been nice and relaxed, though I haven't been able to pack in any exercise. I've been diligent about the eating though since I'm going up to a friend's house in VT for T-day, and I suspect I'll be eating a lot. My goal is to have 20 flex points for Thursday, since exercise is also not an option that day. So far this weekend, I've had just 7 flex points (that's really low for me) but I'm going to a friend's tonight for dinner and we are having "Chinese takeout". I've actually never had "Chinese takeout" before (I generally hate American Chinese food...icky) so I've never looked up the calories or fat, but I suspect I won't like what I see. Hrm. Well, I guess I'll eat a bit before and do my best to make conversation so people won't notice that I'm not eating very much. Anyway, as long as I keep it under 8 flex points, I'm good...

Two in a row

For the first time ever, I am exactly the same weight as I was last week. crazy! that never ever ever happens to me...i am usually all over the place. so, 174.6 it is again. i guess that is better than a gain!

i will be making approximately 48 sugar cookies today. i am a little scared, i have to say. my track record with cookies is just not good. so, i am trying to develop some will power before 8 pm....i think i will say i can have 3 total between today and tomorrow...but no more. too bad my sugar cookie recipe isn't gross--otherwise, this would be easy!


have a great weekend everyone!

Skepticism...and Motivation

I'm chuckling over my am steel cut oats because I've 2 pounds since Monday (1.5 pounds since I left for my food0fest odyssey). I should be really happy, but I'm quite skeptical. Sure, I ate well (um, ignoring those two free cookies from yesterday which were so not worth it - note to self) and exercised a bit. But I am waiting for the gain from all of those cakes and stuff. Anyway, we'll see if it catches up with me next week. For now, this little bit of weight loss is just I needed in the motivation department, which has gotten a little pathetic lately.

Oh, I tried on my progress pants last night - they look good from the front and the back but from the sides, the pockets still pull apart.

Sorry I've been a bad blogger this week - I'll be better next week. Promise.

Have good weekends everyone!

mini post

sorry i've been an absentee blogger this week...just wanted to drop by and say that things here are going fine...actually, they're going pretty well. i seem to have found a groove with the eating and exercise thing...no brother is a huge help in the dieting realm...i've been staying on track calorie wise and i've been walking on my treadmill between 30-60 minutes every day. now if i can just keep doing this...!

ummm...i'll be back later with something more interesting to say...

Soooo tired...

I'm so tired of dieting. I'd like to just turn that part of my brain off, but I can't. History shows me that when I turn that off, I gain weight. Pre-blog days, feeling this way would lead to quitting, so I have to thank you all for helping me stay motivated.

today: ate 25, exercised 5, flex left 10.

Things I ate...and the one thing I didn't but should have

I just ate my way through Central Europe (well, just parts of the Czech Republic and Austria). I am baffled about how the people there are so skinny - all this stuff we hear over in America about how in other countries people eat healthier and restaurants serve smaller portions is a huge lie*. Veggies in the Czech Rep. looked terrible, so I don't blame them for just eating meat, gravy, and bread dumplings. And in Austria, it is all pastries all the time, with a side of very large wiener schnitzels and sausages. (I suppose people must eat like birds when they eat at home to compensate.) And I don't think the locals can walk all of these extra calories off - their public transportation is so good there (and stops seemingly every 10 feet). Like I said this morning, I was eating about 40 points per day, and said yes to just about everything I came across that looked tasty. Luckily, I hate beer and wine, so that gave me a few extra calories (and cash) to spend on coffee and pastries. On days that I didn't walk all day long (conference days) - I usually made up for the pastries by having just soup for dinner.

*may not be statistically significant

Things I didn't eat but should have (Meg, you'll kill me, but I didn't get back to the store):

(that's right, this list is very short.)

Things I ate and maybe shouldn't have (obviously, some of the plates are for the boy - you think I'm a pig or something? ahaha):

Um, this was really tasty - included gingerbread dumplings.

This was also tasty, though not worth the calories - thei big offender here was the ginormous fried potato pancakes that is wrapped around the meat. I didn't eat much of it. I kept thinking of that Simpsons episode when Dr. Nick tells Homer how to rub food in paper to see if its transparent...

Vienna was crazy delicious and chocolatey. I didn't the whole case, but I did get one of the chestnut chocolate confections, which were the in-season thing while I was there.

This sausage was the first of many. It would have been impossible, in term of time and money, to eat healthy while on the road like this. At least the sausage is tasty.

The famous Sacher torte with the Vienese "melange" coffee.

Hot chestnuts - sooo good.

I only ordered Wiener Schnitzel once...and they gave me two ENORMOUS pieces. I ate about 1/2 of one piece.

The Linzer torte.

That's right ladies - that whole pastry is covered in chocolate. Hello. The other has a poppyseed filling.

Our last desserts before coming home. The pic is not good, but the desserts were :)

Today: Ate 19 so far, exercised 2, flex left 10. I may use a few of the extra points for a hot chocolate. These pictures make me crave sweets. Whoops.

Damage control

I missed the blog world while I was away! I have a lot of catch up to do reading all of your blogs. I got back last night and am now in full force damage control. I estimate that I was eating about 40 points per day while I was away, which was fine most of the time when I was walking all day long, but during the conference, it was not so fine. Water consumption was a problem (bathrooms are hard to find, and cost money). So this week, I'll be back on the treadmil and the pilates mat, drinking a ton of water, and will limit my flex points to 10 for the next 4 days until I start as normal again on Friday. I took a ton of food pictures, so I'll be posting again tonight. But the quick summary is that I left like Homer in chocolate land. It was wonderful and horrible, all at the same time :) Oh, and the scale last night and this morning is telling me I weigh 141, so that's a .5 lb gain from when I left. I'm not really sure how to judge that (you know: long flight, salty foods, is my huge gain going to come next week) but for now, I'll gladly take it.

real progress!

i finally broke the 175 barrier! this week i'm 174.6. i can't even remember what i was last week...176-something. anyway, i'm very excited.

no brother in la casa...so far so good! i am cookie-free. however, i do need to work on eating fewer carbs (particularly kashi granola bars and fiber one bars...) and get back to vegetables. that is always the first "new habit" that i lose. and more water, and more exercise...but, for now, i'm just happy to see a number w/ a 4 in it!

play the accordion...lose weight!

i just checked out this site and had loads of fun finding out how many calories per hour i burn doing things like...

walking (238)

changing a lightbulb (26)

listening to music (79)

washing my hands (3)

getting dressed (26)

and best of all, i found out that the instrument i play burns 159 calories per hour! (no, it is not the accordion!) that means that on my mega-long teaching days when i play between 3-5 hours, i burn lotsa calories! who knew? (i'm totally going to tell some of my adult students about this...maybe it will motivate them to practice...haha)

check it out!

monday? already?

soooo...let's see here...how about a mini-update in bullet-format?

*another successful episode of beat-the-crafty-table on saturday! i even managed to avoid eating pizza during a long night of filming...when it was like 40 degrees outside and i had no coat and really really wanted something warm. i did however have 1 breadstick. not too shabby.

*"accidentally" ate 2 snickerdoodles though that were in my brother's car (ha ha, that sounds weird...but they were fresh--not like under the seat or something!)..and had a few of the bro's choc. chip cookies that have been all over the house lately...but, i did count them all.

*managed to almost use all my flex points in a granola bar attack. oops. seriously, don't know what my problem was. i just couldn't get enough of those kashi chewy trail mix bars...

*staying motivated w/ exercise...have walked on treadmill every day (or night) for about a week.

*brother leaves for china tomorrow. no more cookies! yahoo!

ok...that's all for tonight...sorry i've been a bad blogger lately--i have been reading all of yours but keep running out of time to comment!

Fluctuate

yea...i think i should change the name of the blog to "fluctuate"...that seems to be more accurate than "skinnify"...well, at least for me!

i am down this week, but still not to the pre-birthday 175. last week i was 177 on wednesday.. and 178.6 on friday... and this friday i'm 176.2. though i am happy to apparently have lost like 2 lbs, i don't get it. i'll say it again and again. numbers just don't make sense.

well anyway...i feel like i'm on a roll with the diet and exercise thing this week, so i'll just keep doing what i'm doing. i seem to have found the right combination of enough stress to keep me busy and away from the cupboard (but not enough to turn me into a cookie monster), willpower, and motivation to exercise...now if i can just keep going this way. experience has shown that this is the danger zone for me...i tend to start thinking i can get away with things as soon as i see a loss and then boom--back to where i started.

random side note: last night one of my students moms told me she's lost 65 lbs. (she looks great--when i first met her she was over 300 lbs.) she said this is the first time she's been under 300 lbs in 16 years. wow. i am so totally impressed. people like that inspire me.

Walking at Midnight...

i've relapsed a bit and am back to my night owl ways...

i generally prefer to exercise in the mornings, but lately, i just can't get up and running early enough to get it done first thing. my brother and i have often talked about how we need to invent some type of catapault device that will launch us out of bed in the morning...i really wish i was more of a morning person and got up at 5 or 6 am. but alas, it seems that after brief flirtations with being a morning person, i always return to my night owl ways.

anyway. instead of just giving up on walking if i don't get it done in the morning, i've started walking in the middle of the night. (cue that billy joel song...) oh, i should mention i walk on a treadmill. not out in the streets or anything.

i'm not sure if it's the greatest idea, as i'm sure it goes against some type of health guideline somewhere...but i feel better when i exercise regardless of the hour of the day.

how about you? when do you like to exercise?

Victory!

i officially declare today as VICTORY OVER THE CRAFTY TABLE DAY!

for those who haven't been reading from day one...i work with my brother in the film industry (sometimes)...it's one of my several random "jobs"...anyway, this summer we filmed a movie over a period of about a month and i gained approx. 15 lbs from the craft services table (aka "the crafty"...as it's known in the biz). the crafty is usually stockpiled with insane quantities of snack food-- treats, bagels, candy, cookies, donuts, soda, juice, chips, crackers...basically anything to keep the movie crew and actors happy and caffeinated.

crafty tables and i have a bad history. the first movie we shot (2004) i gained about 10 lbs...then lost most of that. the second movie we shot (2005) i gained about 10 lbs which i've never been able to get rid of...and then this movie (#3) i gained another 15 lbs..which i'm now trying to get rid of.

typically, i just lose all self control in the face of crafty. when i think back to this summer and my bad bad swedish fish+bagels+red vines+cookies+donuts crafty-binges it seems like a miracle that i didn't gain 50 lbs. no seriously. if anyone has ever been on a movie set, you know how much waiting around you do...you scurry to get something done, and then you sit and wait, sometimes for 3, 4, 5, 6 hours...but you can't leave. there's nothing to do..you're stressed, tired and grouchy and bored. and everyone hangs out at the crafty and eats and gabs. and then lo and behold, you gained 25 lbs. without even trying. and you develop a nasty sugar habit that is really really hard to break.

WELL. anyway. today we had to shoot some stuff that we didn't get during the summer...so, i was confronted with my arch-nemesis again.

but this time i won!

i didn't eat any of the cookies, no crackers, i didn't eat the fries that came with lunch and i exercised incredible restraint and only had 1 (!) almond joy mini candy bar. 1 people. just one. i couldn't believe it. i have never had just one of anything candy-related. ever. i came prepared with my kashi granola bars for snacks and i just didn't eat everytime i got bored. miracle. it's like an out-of-body experience or something.

really, truthfully, i didn't think i had it in me. but, i'm glad i proved myself wrong.

so...all told i have 24 flex left for the week...not too shabby.

ok, enough bragging.

Happy Birthday Bri!!!!!

BRI is the BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!!!




















Happy Birthday!!! I hope you are having a fabulous time in Europe... and eating some sort of yummy pastry (with a candle in it) and doing something fun!!

up up and away

I gained .5 lbs this week. boo-urns. I have too many other things to worry about than my weight though, so...whatever. Luckily, my scale and I won't be seeing each other for a few weeks. I'll be back mid-Nov. Until then, Meg is going to hold down the fort. And I'll do my best to resist going overboard on the lovely foods I run across. Austrian pasties are yucky, right? Anyway, have a good couple weeks - I'll have to catch up on everyone's blogs when I get back.

Save the fishies!

A post by HotThickChick today reminded me that I keep forgetting to post about the seafood watch list. If you eat seafood, you should take a look - the list helps you see what foods are best for the environment and sustainability, and which are the best for you. They have regional guides that print out to fit in your wallet. Ever since seeing the list two years ago, I've been trying to behave myself...I find it easy to follow except for the shrimp - domestic only? That's rough. Even Whole Foods only sells two kinds of U.S. shrimp and I don't like either. Boo. (I got blinky here)

Confession

I have a confession to make. Yesterday I went over my flex points. You see, I am cleaning out the fridge, and we had these meatballs (Ikea, so yummy and fatty) in the freezer to eat up, so I had some. Then I went to TJ's to get snacks for the cat sitters. Then we decided we should sample some of the snacks, because the sitters will be more likely to eat from an open package. S-M-R-T. So, I kinda stopped counting.

Then today, I just kind of gave up. I didn't do anything horrible. But I did decide that I needed a caramel macchiato and an espresso brownie from Starbucks. bad bad Bri. Lesson? Don't ever allow myself to go over flex points, because I can't control it after that. Thankfully, I reset tomorrow. I was trying to decide if I should count while I'm in Europe or not, but I think I have my answer. MUST...ALWAYS...COUNT.

chugging along...slowly

hello, all. sorry i've been mia this week too...though i'm not nearly as busy as bri, i somehow keep finding that it's suddenly 1am and i don't know where the day went!

anyway, i'm still here...plodding along. i weighed myself yesterday and was 1 lb less than last friday. yay. hopefully it will be a little less tomorrow. it's amazing that you can gain 3 lbs. in one week so easily, and then it takes for-freaking-ever to lose it. rahh. i could never be an actress an have to gain/lose weight for roles. well, i could gain it no problem, but losing it again would suck. i don't know how they do it.

so...the seasons are changing here and therefore so is my wardrobe. and i'm coming to the realization (again) that i really have gained some weight since last winter..since none of my trusty black pants or favorite winter/fall skirts seem to look as good as i remember them...you see, i've never been a scale person. i never even had a scale until i started this blog! i'm fairly muscular and i have a slightly larger frame, so numbers just never seem to make sense to me (and they still don't). i've always felt like the numbers on the scale don't make sense with my pants/clothes sizes... so even when i was "skinny", i don't really know how much i weighed. part of the mental challenge of losing weight this time is i don't really know what i'm aiming for. i'm pretty sure i was around 165 last winter...and i have a feeling that my skinniest adult weight (in 2005) was somewhere around 155-160. is 145 even realistic for me? who knows.

the other frustrating thing is that even when i do lose weight, the clothing numbers don't really change--they just look better. even when i was "skinny" in 2005, i was still a 12 or a 32...granted, i can't wear those same 32's in public right now...but still--sometimes i feel like ok, even if i do make all these radical changes and get skinny, i'm still going to be the biggest size on the rack just because that's my frame. rahh. so, part of me hates the scale, but then in a lot of ways, that's really the only concrete way to measure my progress.

anyway...those are my random thursday thoughts. what about you? any thoughts on scale vs. clothing sizes?

goals for today:
20 min walking after pilates
journal everything
water. why is it so hard to drink water?

Going up

Sorry I've been a little MIA this week. You haven't been missing anything interesting over here. I've been eating as well as can be excepted during conference/too much work mode. And exercise? Um, no. Though I consider walking around all day in heels a workout in and of itself (don't be fooled ladies, even dansko heels are painful). My weight is still climbing, which is a real bummer. I was expecting it just stay put for a while. But I'm not that alarmed...I can tell that I feel thinner because I keep wanting to go shopping he he he. I have 3 flex points left for the next two days, so it's going to be a little rough, because I won't have the time to exercise.

life after 10/20...

ahhh...i am so so so so so glad that october 20 is over. you see, most of my students have been preparing for this oct. 20 concert since july...it was a concert where 3000 kids (nope, not a typo. there were actually 3000 kids) played a concert together and everyone had to have their parts 100% memorized. and we teachers had to keep these 3000 kids from going bezerk during the 2.5 hour concert and all of the bajillion rehearsals. (lucky me, i got to be in charge of the 3.5-6 year olds for my instrument!!) anyway, i've been looking forward to 10/21 for a really long time. now i'm ready for all my students to move on to something new. and for some reason, it feels like a mini-spring to me. like a fresh start. and i think it's transferring over to the weight-loss exercise facet of life too...

anyway, i've been doing ok at the eating thing. being out of the house from 6 am-midnight on saturday really seems to do the trick. i managed to make it through the weekend with 20 flex left. i exercised today and still have 3 points left. maybe it is just the enormous weight that has been lifted from my shoulders from the concert being over, but i'm feeling oddly positive about trying to lose weight...i dunno, but i hope it sticks around.

goals for tomorrow:
walk 20 min after pilates
write down everything i eat
water. must drink water.

Here we go

This is going to be a really really rough week over here - I've got myself scheduled to get way too many things done, so my postings will be short - sorry about that. It has been a really beautiful weekend (warm!) out here. My friend's wedding was really nice and they had the funniest toast I have ever seen. Aaaaand, they had three types of wedding cake plus platefuls of mini desserts. I loaded up my plate (I couldn't help it) but couldn't finish - maybe my body is starting to learn enough is enough. Or maybe I ate too much for dinner. Or appetizers. Oh well. Anyway, I had "fancy" dinner all three nights this weekend so I'm thrilled that I finished off the weekend having only consumed 22 flex points.

Dietwise, I'm really in trouble for the next few weeks. I'm heading into work-week-of-horror beginning with two days of conference, then later in the week I'm headed to Europe for 2.5 weeks (one week is conference). So we'll see how my weight does.

Speaking of conferences, I'm having a lot of issues with "business casual". I just wasted a whole hour trying things on from my closet. Clothes are either too tight or too big now, except for my skirts which look great but I don't have a top to wear with them, unless they are party skirts (with sequin details, etc) which are not so business casual. Sigh. Why can't I just wear my jeans? WHY? Is anyone else as clueless as I am about tops for skirts? Meg - help me.

up up up

yea, i'm up today too. not a real big surprise considering all of the super-high-cal b-day eating...i was a bad bad girl yesterday too and didn't really count very well...and i ate another piece of cake (before throwing the rest away), 2 mint truffles and 3 pieces of pizza for dinner. yikes.

so. back to work i go.

I thought I had finished that already

I thought I finished with the 140s, but apparently I'm back for a re-do. I weighed 140 this morning, putting me up 2.5 pounds from last week. BOO.

The all purpose treadmill

Well, my shoes came and they are pointy. This is a problem. Unlike Meg, who loves impractical shoes, I wear orthopaedic shoes. Even my dress shoes have only 1.5-2" heels that are w i d e. So these are a challenge for me. The husband stared at me in them in disbelief. Anyway, I needed some practice in them so I don't look totally silly this weekend. So I wore them tonight around the house, I made dinner in them, I sat by the fire in them. And I did my treadmill warm up in them. Let me just say, if you've never broken in your shoes by getting on a treadmill in them, you are missing out. After just 5 minutes (incline 5%, 2 MPH), I felt like I was walking as normally as I could be...
Today was ok: ate 23, exercised 3, flex left 0. Weigh in tomorrow is going to be horrible, but oh well.

the birthday report...

well, thanks everyone for your b-day wishes! it seriously made my day!

yesterday was the big day, but the festivities began on tuesday night...we went to dinner with some friends at my favorite semi-fancy restaurant. i had an unbelievably yummy pear salad with gorgonzola, mixed greens and i can't remember what kind of dressing...but it was awesome...followed by a roasted half chicken (don't worry, i didn't eat all of it!) with olive oil mashed potatoes...followed by my very favorite dessert in the whole wide world: banana cream pie tartlet in a coconut shell drizzled with caramel and chocolate. oh. my. gosh. i loooooovvvvveeee that dessert. so...that meal probably took up the rest of my flex points...but it was worth it.

then yesterday i went out to lunch with my grandparents at the olive garden. i got the soup, salad and breadsticks and had the minestrone, which i believe is the lowest calorie item on the menu. i didn't do too badly and only had 2 breadsticks. but, i did receive a box of my very favorite mint truffles from my g-pa and i had a few of those...oops.

then last night, the bro brought home a chocolate cake...which i had a small piece of...and he also gave me this:


(my family is big on funny gifts. this is definitely funny.... almost as funny as last year when he and his friends went to the salvation army and bought a bunch of random items and wrapped them up...including a sticky doorknob (literally, it had jam on it), a toy telescope, a t-ball trophy from 1984, a bowling ball and a really nasty used lunch box.)

maybe next year i'll get "the old fashioned carnival hot dog maker"...or "the old fashioned nachos & cheese maker" or "the old fashioned carnival cotton candy maker"...one can only hope. (and by the way, yes, these products really do exist. they're all part of "the nostalgia electrics series", which both my brother and i agree are really only good for nostalgia...)

so anyway, i had some of that popcorn...(oil popped)...and a few of the latest evil baked good of the week:



so. it was definitely a good b-day. and now i definitely need to get back on track and start counting again!

goals for today: 20 min walking after pilates and stay within points!...and throw away the leftover cake!

Free food day 3

Well folks, it looks like free food day (plus long work days) are catching up to me. Last night the scale showed a 3lb gain over my normal nightly weigh in. I was expecting a gain this week (since I'd lost 5.5 lbs in two weeks), but I wasn't expecting it to be this extreme. I'll guzzle the water today to try and get it down in time for tomorrow, but I'm not optimistic. Last night's food fest was "Thai", which wasn't very good (why why why do people destroy Thai food? Why is it always so sweet? If you want dessert, get dessert, but don't drown your curries and noodles in sugar - yuck.) But, I stayed late at work yesterday and needed the dinner. Oh well. By the time I came home, it was bed time and I didn't get any exercise in (ate 27, exercised 0). So I've got no flexies left for today. Dun dun dun....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEG!

(image credit)

Free food week, day 2

This week is free food week at the lab. We have a huge grant due (and I have a paper and a talk to finish up), so we're having free dinner every night this week. A friend in lab also gave a "pizza talk" in the department, so of course I had to go for moral support. And eat the free pizza (lunch). For dinner, we had Indian food brought in. I love Indian food and was hungry, so I had a plate of food. Bad bad Bri. Oh well. At least I controlled my portions and when I got home I actually got on the treadmill!!! (This is shocking, really.) I'm not used to watching TV (the only TV we have is tiny and in front of my treadmill), but watching a little has made me want to watch more, so hopefully that can help me up my exercise a little bit, especially at night.

I wasted so much time a work today and regret it now (isn't that how it always is?) - I'm going to a good friend's wedding this weekend but it's outside and it's cold. I'm looking for shoes with a something a little more than my normal dressy sandals. I spent a lot of time looking online for shoes (too lazy to go to the store). I want some black d'orsays with a shortish heel. I found cute ones (but a 3" heel - I don't think so) at endless, but they sold out already. And I found these ones at payless.com but they don't have them yet in the store. What's up with that? And why are there so many ugly shoes? What can't the cute ones be, um, under 100? I'm sorry, but dress shoes are just not worth that much money to me. Anyway, the girl said they would probably be in this week if they are up on the web. Hmmm...is risky - should I just overnight them? Oh yeah, I'm wearing this dress (which I notice now that I looked for a picture that the model is wearing them with similar shoes!) with a black pashmina with yellow/gold/orange/red embroidery from my India trip.

Anyway: ate 26, exercised 3, flex left 7.

Hungry Hippo

Oh man. I was a hungry hippo today. I just could not stop eating. It was so bad that I couldn't say no to a free slice of pizza. It was tasty, but not THAT tasty. Sigh. Oh well. Hopfully, this doesn't continue through the rest of the week or I'm going to really have to step up on the exercise since I'm low on flex points.

I also felt heavy today - I think it's just because I feel like I've been eating too much (and have been since Friday). I switched exercise pants because its cold now, and they really emphasize my love handles and saddlebags. I hope those guys are the next pounds off :)

ate 25, exercised 2, flex left 10

I got the image here.

weekend...

somehow life got extremely busy all of a sudden. but, i'm not complaining, because it kept me away from the cupboard!

i managed to make it through the weekend with 25 flex points in tact.(!) and the weekend included homemade gingerbread belgian waffles with ice cream and pears (yumm!)...and late night bulgogi (?) korean spicy beef and rice. somehow, i kept snacking to a minimum...i think working all night friday, then being out of the house all day saturday and having friends over on sunday is the magic answer to my usual weekend problems...the bro and his brownies returned, but i'm actually getting sick of them, so i only had a little taste (which i did count).

but...this week is the "birthday week"...i know we're going out somewhere really good and i will definitely need all of those flex points...hopefully there won't be any cake(s). last year a friend brought over a huge carrot cake w/ cream cheese frosting (my favorite! ok, actually all cake is my favorite...)...and i think i gained like 20 lbs because i pretty much ate the whole thing in about a week. and that was in addition to the chocolate cake that my brother made. yikes. that was bad. no cake(s) in the house this year...

In the vicinity

I love fall. I love fall so much, I'm spending this evening in a fall moment, neglecting my school work. he he he. Things in my vicinity:

1. my flannels
2. my slippers
3. one of the cats
4. a hot wood burning stove fireplace insert (new! it's sooo wonderful)
5. tea
6. apple crisp with real whip cream with vanilla bean
7. the boy

But I earned the apple crisp - I was on the treadmill this morning and painted beadboard for 3 hours this afternoon. I've made up a big pot of steel cut oats with flax, apples, cinnamon, and nutmeg for this week. I've never added apples before and its just sweet enough that I don't need to add sugar. Am loving it.

today: ate 28, exercised 9, flex left 13.

Opa!

accounting...greek food festival +15, flex points -15 :)

ate 35, exercised 0, flex left 20

(Saturday's amendment: ate 28, exercised 1 (I'll do better tomorrow), flex left 13)

yippee!

officially back to where i started (well, for the christmas challenge anyway). i am 175. how did i go down a pound from yesterday? hmm, i guess i don't really care.

now i just have to keep losing...no brother=major help!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm completely baffled. I've been weighing in at 138 all week and thought it was some kind of bizarre error, but for my "official" weight this morning I was 137.5. Holy Moly. I haven't seen a number that low in a while but I'm really excited. I don't really understand the loss since I lost a fair bit last week as well, and I haven't been (u-hem) the best little exerciser lately (thanks cough, I love you too). I fully expected to not lose any weight for another few weeks now, but I just hope I stay in the 130s. I loooove the 130s.

Anyway, I've lost 15 pounds so far (and a lot faster than I expected after making only minor changes in my life) and want to lose 10 more. My official goal says 3 more pounds, but as I've said before, I'd really like to weigh less than my husband. I've been that low before - it was my high school weight and my drivers license wouldn't lie, would it? We'll see how it goes from here. I'm just happy to report that I feel like I'm starting to look "normal" again. I saw a college friend recently who I hadn't seen in a few years and he said "You got skinny" - I know it was supposed to be a compliment, but it made me kind of sad - how big was I? I think of where I am now as how I should be, and how I have been for most of my life. Maybe it's just all in my head. Though, no one around here seems to have noticed any change in my figure except for the boy and my lab benchmate (who's a reader - hi!!!), and they both know I've been back on the dieting train. At least that means I was hiding the weight well? maybe???

Oh, and my progress pants almost fit! there is just a little pulling on the slit pockets from the side, but the butt part looks a-ok :)

(Image credit)

strawberry fields forever...

the more stuff i eat from kashi, the more stuff from kashi i get addicted to... and here's the latest yummy discovery: strawberry fields cereal.

i used to be a pretty big fan of the special k red berries cereal, however, i could eat like 3 "servings" and still be starving...no, make that ravenous. so, that is why i'm a huge fan of this kashi stuff. it really does fill you up. how do they do it? it's 120 cal, 0 fat and 1 fiber (2 pts) for 1 cup. in general, i'm trying to get off of the cereal wagon, but this does the trick when i get a craving...

oh, and if you shop at target and they sell food at your target, a ton of kashi stuff is on sale for half price this week! i got some funny looks when i bought..umm..about 8 boxes of the kashi tlc trail mix granola bars...which, by the way have helped me kick those stupid 90 cal quaker granola bars that don't fill you up at all...

food journal: hmm...i'm at 20 points today, out of flex points and no exercise today :( i'm going to try and walk for 30 min...and i think it's 0 point vegetable soup for dinner...

nothing like results...

...to keep you motivated.

i did a little early weigh-in this morning...and the good news is that i'm down 2 lbs. from where i was last week, which is great! (insert big sigh of relief here)...however, i am still about 1 lb. over my "official" christmas challenge start weight. which is evidence of just how EVIL baked goods can be. well, especially if you eat as many as i did.

the bro is out of town until tomorrow, so i've had a nice little repreve from the chocolate assault. i'm feeling more in control this week though, and hopefully i can keep it up when he returns tomorrow and inevitably busts out the brownies.

ok...sorry this is so short! i'm running astonishingly low on interesting things to say...

Sustainability

I've been thinking a lot about sustainability lately. I think that my re-found eating habits are sustainable - we eat pretty well at this house, and most of it is "whole". I don't feel limited or "on a diet" when faced with good foods, even on weekends. I think this'll be great for me come maintenance time, but I'm really worried about my exercise. Living in Boston, I get a fair amount of walking in, but I have not fallen into a good exercise pattern. It's not a habit. And I think it's because I haven't found exercise that I like. I've been asking to boy to go on walks with me (we go all yuppified, with hot drinks in hand) but walking your neighborhood still isn't quite enough. Treadmill speed walking while watching the only tv I get will still be good for me, but I'm just haven't gotten into it, if you know what I mean. Pilates is a chore, so I barely get around to it. Hrm. Any ideas?

FJ: I dipped into my flex "account" today because I forgot my lunch at home (GASP!) and ended up eating pb+honey, plus some dumpling that a friend was sharing. Then I came home and was madly craving toasty bread with yummy creamy cheese all over it to go with the soup. I've never made this soup before but it's good. Highly recommended. Anyway: ate 26, exercised 2, leaving me 8 flex for tomorrow (not bad considering my weekend!).

Soup of the Week

Mmmm...the house smells good. I've just made a huge pot of Red Bean and Bacon Soup. As you know, I love soups. But I especailly love soups that are low fat (I used turkey bacon) and high in protein and fiber...on a cold day while I'm recovering from a cough, its the perfect thing. Now, if I can just get of my big butt and exercise, I should have enough points left over to enjoy the soup with a thick slab of hearth bread with some double-cream Brie (insert jokes here).

I've actually been having a lot of trouble exercising this week because of my cold-triggered asthma, Any irregular breathing makes me wheeze and cough. I can walk and that's about it (but, walking slow takes a lot of time). So my plan for the rest of the week is to walk to the subway instead of taking the bus - if I do it each way, it'll give me 3 activity points (about 300 calories).

FJ: ate 21, exercised 0, flex left 12

PSA: Transition Clothes

in case anyone is in the market for some cute and cheap transition clothes, i thought i'd post a link to some things i'm selling on EBAY...about 3-4 times a year my mom (who is a grand champion shopper) cleans out her closet and sends me a couple of boxes of stuff to sell on EBAY. she also cleans out my younger sister's closet too. and i sell stuff that i don't wear anymore also. i am seriously behind on ebaying stuff, so in the next 3-4 weeks, i am going to try and get rid of all of the fall/winter items.

EBAY can be a scary place to buy used stuff, but this is all nice stuff (promise!)--very well cared for, smoke/pet free...most of it has been worn 1-2 times (seriously) and a lot of it still has the tags on.

i've got stuff from Gap, Banana Republic, J Crew, Lucy, Lucky Jeans, Ann Taylor, Ann Taylor Loft...plus shoes, bags and other accessories. i start most of the listings between .99-5.99

so, if you will be passing through the 8-10-12 range or the Medium-Large range and want some cheap clothes to tide you over until you get to your goal size, come check it out:

my ebay listings

(most of the really good stuff will be listed in the next few days...)

an express post

ok, yesterday i was super super good: ate 24.5 and exercised 3. even managed to only eat 1 small piece of the yummy pizza that my bro brought home for dinner and instead had a big salad.

today i am the sleeping monster though! it must be contagious...through the internet...

Sleeping monster

20 points eaten

0 points exercised

3 hours napped

1/2 of my scheduled work got done

I was obviously attacked by the sleeping monster. He's very scary and counterproductive to school work and weightloss efforts. Oh well, I'll do better tomorrow.

i couldn't help it either!

yea...it has been one of those weekends!

i decided to reset my flex on fridays instead of mondays...so we'll see how it goes. so, far so good, i think.

yesterday...i was better than a lot of saturdays, but i still need to make some huge changes in my weekends. honestly, what is the deal?! why does the "shovel food in mouth button" get pushed every saturday morning? well, anyway, i ended up with 36 points eaten, no exercise.

sunday...well, today i had dinner at my grandparents. enough said, right? yes, it was a full-tilt all-out food fest: homemade rolls, roast beef, potatoes, homemade poppy seed dressing, real ice cream and the bowl of dove chocolates that kept getting pushed at me by my chocoholic grandpa. did i mention the rolls? well, i really was trying to be good---my gma even said, "meg, you aren't eating very much!"...but i still ended up with 38 points today. (yikes!!!) so, i've got 7 points left for the rest of the week--which i'm totally ok with. for some reason week days are sooo much easier.

this is the first weekend ive actually kept track of everything i've eaten though--which is a major victory. even though i am absolutely horrified by the numbers..it does really explain why i've been gaining and not losing though. hello! i felt like i was being good and still ended up with 36 and 38!?

goals for tomorrow:
60 min walking
best behavior! count everything.

I couldn't help it

Really, I couldn't. This weekend was a constant stream of food. Delicious, rich evil foods. It went something like this:

1. high tea at the Boston Park Plaza

2. cheese platters. mmm.

3. Korean bbq

4. "clubbing" - um, yeah, I'm just not that type of girl. I felt very lucky that clubs in Boston are only open for 3 hours. (No cals consumed here though, in fact, that was apparently 6 APs)

5. Return on the cheese platters. Add in chips and other evils.

Total: 45 points consumed (Wowzers!), 7 points burned, 13 flex left. (Sunday was better: 20 points consumed, 2 points burned, 13 flex left) The scary thing is that I really was being good. I promise!

But really, I couldn't help it. Look! (I forgot to get a pic of the Korean bbq. also beautiful.) Don't be fooled by the tea goodies platter - there was more - that pic doesn't show the scones and the tea-infused creme brulee.

Heading into another weekend...

This'll be a quick post. FJ: ate 24, exercised 0, flex left 31.

This week's goals - exercise if my coughing and asthma will allow it.

I'm headed to another bridal shower/bachelorette "sleep"over weekend thingamajig. The last time one of these happened, I realized how much weigh tI'd gained because I felt ginormous the whole weekend and felt really bad about myself. I also ate a lot. That was right before Meg had the idea to start this blog. This time, I'm hoping to do a bit better, in both categories. I refashioned my new halter top (I added some material to the bust, it was too low for me - if you don't got 'em, don't flaunt 'em) so I'm ready to go. Wish me luck.

up up and away

harumph. well...let's not get into exact details...but i am very nearly back where i started.

am i surprised? not so much. i've been supremely naughty on the eating front. i am proof that you can't be on board for 4 days and then be a slacker for the next 3. the weight will creep back.

sigh. so. the mission for today is to not get depressed about this and not use it as an excuse to eat. i need to stay on track and be good for this whole weekend. i did just get back from pilates, so already i feel like i'm putting a better foot forward this weekend.

from the brownie front: yes, there was yet another batch of brownies made last night (#5). no, i am not making this up. i really wish i was. anyway, the bro and i had a little scuffle about said brownies and while i'm probably being childish, at least i didn't eat any of them. i got upset at him for telling me that i "wasn't allowed" to have any and he kept asking in a teasing sort of way how many points there were in a brownie (as he ate 1/2 a pan). i'm sure he was trying to be helpful in a little brother sort of way, but i really don't react well to being told i can't have something (food-wise) by members of my family...even if it is for my own good. it literally makes me *furious* and makes me want to eat massive quantities of whatever it is that i'm forbidden to eat. i don't get it. but, this is a huge issue for me...(um, yea, can you tell that my mom used to tell me i wasn't allowed to eat certain things because they were "for my brother.") anyway, sorry to go all oprah on you...i think i just need to buck up and stop feeling sorry for myself and start making better choices. and just ignore the fact that some people in my family can eat 6000 calories and i can't, even though i'm insanely jealous and find it extremely annoying. good news is that i went and walked very fast on my treadmill instead of eating the brownies like i wanted to...sigh.

here's to a weekend of being good! (whiny, but good)

1-4-0

YAY!!!! Good weigh in this week: 140! This time I didn't even have to try and convince my scale of it. I'm trying to not get too excited though, since I hope to start exercising again next week, and I've been sick this week, I have to assume that some of that loss will be coming back. But for now, I'm really happy. So, if the 140 is "real", I have 5 more pounds to lose for the Christmas Challenge.

The numbers aside, I did something new yesterday: I used one notch down on my belt. This means that I've lost an inch or so around my upper hips/love handles. My standard measurements haven't changed much, so I was glad to see this shrinking!

Yesterday's FJ: ate 20, exercised 0, flex left 17.

wednesday update

ok...so yesterday i didn't quite make the 60 min mark for walking and my eating wasn't super great, but it wasn't bad either. i managed to only eat 1 brownie from the pan that my brother made instead of hmm...like 5, which is what i was doing last weekend. apparently, brownies are the temptation of the week. (this is the 4th batch he's made since last friday). why must he always have chocolate baked goods around? rahh. anyway, ended w/ 30 pts eaten, exercised 2.

some good news on the horizon...especially in light of the christmas challenge:
1. skinny bro is getting shipped to china (literally) for 4 weeks in nov-dec! i am excited for him to go, but i'm also very excited that the house will be free of junk food for at least those 4 weeks...(for those who have been reading us from the beginning, remember how i lost like 8 lbs in about 2 weeks when i first started? yea, the brother was out of town then...)

2. i have signed myself up for a 3rd pilates session every week. i'm contemplating getting back into yoga too...

so anyway....goals for today:
20 min walking after pilates
count everything
water: drink some

YaHOOO!!!

For most people, this wouldn't be exciting. But for me, it is. I wear "fitted" jeans. And I have been blessed with thighs. So generally my jeans are tight on the thighs. I have a pair of jeans that are always tight on the thighs (i.e. they are stretched the max, you know what I mean?) - but now they are "loose" (it's all relative)!!! Check it out!

Did you see that? I can grab a whole pinch full! Ok ok ok, I know you didn't want to see a huge picture of my thigh, but I'm pretty excited. Hubby said it's now obvious that I've lost weight, especially in the thighs. YAY!!!

The evil cold is still preventing me from exercising (and thankfully eating) - it triggered my asthma so now I cough incessantly. I'm hoping my medications will start working soon so I can get back on the treadmill/pilates/thera-band schedule and I can lose some more weight! Today I've had 18 points to eat, but am heading to the kitchen for a 1/2 pb+j - so I'll log it as 23 for the day. Flex left 17.

why being good is easier

ok ok...sorry about all the whining yesterday. i did actually get my act together today. i exercised 6 points (60 min pilates and 60 min walking), and ate 25..mostly healthy stuff.

and, i will probably have to learn this over and over and over...but it is in fact easier to just be good. there's a lot less guilt, less mental anguish, fewer i-think-i'm-going-crazy type thoughts, fewer are-my-jeans-going-to-fit-tomorrow questions and less junk food fatigue.

soooo...thanks for all of your helpful comments and for reading my crazy posts even on the bad days!

goals for tomorrow:
60 min walking
count everything
no more silly business

No WAY!

I am actively trying to eat more today (no WAY!) - I'm just not hungry - I blame the cold. I had 14 tonight and then had some jam and toast which puts me at 16 for today.

Since I don't have anything else to say today, go over to grrrl power and check out soap box girl's fashion show! She's looking gooood. If I go shopping this weekend, I blame her!

rebel without a cause

ummm....this is me. a rebel without a cause. but apparently i have chosen myself as the cause to rebel against.

i seriously don't know what my problem is. i just can't get on board the weight loss train. i just keep gaining. i could blame my schedule, stress, working at home, eating out too much and the endless parade of chocolate chips, cookies, brownies, ice cream and chipotle that is brought in the house or eaten in front of me by you-know-who....

but really it's just me. i have no willpower.

ok, sometimes i have willpower. but it runs out after about 72 hours.

ay ay ay. i just need to get over it and stop putting food in my mouth. why is this so hard? bri, remember how i've always said that if i ever get too fat you are to put duct tape over my mouth and tie me to a treadmill? well...now might be a good time... just as a precaution. an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, right?

ok. tomorrow i stop being a food lunatic and start counting again. umm...but seriously, am i the only crazy person out here in the weightlossblogosphere who sometimes doesn't really care about losing weight? (gasp!) who sometimes really just likes brownies and hates hates hates hates counting points? (oh my!) who really resents having to exercise "portion control" and/or "self-control?" (horrors!) who for some reason doesn't like being "satisfied" by "fake treats" that are in the 1-2 point range instead of real treats that are in the 5-10 point range? (scream!)

yea yea, i know. time to be a grown up, face reality and get back on board.


goals for tomorrow:
water--drink it
walk 20 min after pilates
count all points
no more silly business.

Jook

My cold has gone evil on me - a running nose has been added to sore throat and I'm quite miserable. I know I shouldn't complain a cold, but this one is not nice. Anyway, when I got home tonight, threw some rice in a pot to start making jook (congee), a Chinese-style rice porridge that I am nuts for, especially when I'm sick. It is basically really mushy over cooked rice in lots of water or broth with a dab of meat. It is topped with cilantro and green onions and sometimes other treats. I guess it is the Chinese version of chicken noodle soup. Asians I know either love it or hate it - the ones who hate it associate it with being sick.

What do you eat when you are sick?

FJ: ate 20, exercised 0, flex left 20

(Image credit: worldsoups.com)

The Buffet

I've just returned from 5 days of eating buffet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm quite proud of myself for staying within my points - I have 20 left for the next four days. The buffet actually had a lot of healthy options - fruits, salads, etc. For breakfast they even had strawberries and vanilla soy milk to go with my kashi! I did indulge a little by having small desserts, but I did not eat a single "conference cookie" - I thought, if Meg can have them all over her house, certainly I can avoid them for a few days.

Anyways, the conference was actually pretty good (besides almost losing my temper with one of my labmates about 50 times) - the setting was beautiful and the weather was perfect for kayaking - I was out for a total of 3.5 hours and saw lots of fish, swans, and herons.

I'm sick now though - I have some sort of evil sore thraot + fever combo. I also have TON on work to do this week. Boo. To combat the sore throat, I'm drinking pineapple juice, but its taking a toll on the points. At 3 points per cup (and no thoughts of exercise) its going to be rough going. Oh well.

wait, it's friday already?

do you ever have those days when you think it's one day, but it's not? well, i seem to be stuck on thursday. today just felt like thursday...even though i had all of my regular friday appointments. hmm.... maybe i need a new brain. or maybe just more sleep.

in any case, long story short: my regularly scheduled weigh in has been postponed until tomorrow due to...being retarded?

oh, and bri is gone until monday.

huh, not as bad as i thought...

(actually, these things are pretty good if you heat them on the griddle w/ a little pam.)

i'm sure most of you probably already know about such things as "low fat/low carb whole wheat tortillas"...but i just discovered them last night. i'm originally from the southwest, so i'm a little bit of a tortilla snob in the first place...i have a really really hard time choking down the widely available packaged brands, so i was a little hesitant to try these. but, they were good! and with 50 cal, 3g fat and 8g fiber, well, i have no complaints. as much as i miss the *real* tortillas we had at home, these are probably better for me...ok, not probably, i'm sure they're better than the ones made with lard.

goal/FJ updates: yesterday was only able to get in 30 min of walking...exercised 2 and ate 24. goal for today was 20 min walking after pilates, but i have a giant headache, so i think i'm gonna skip it or try later. goal for tomorrow: 60 min walking.

oh, and yet another cookie-free day! magic yellow cloth=best idea ever.

Progress Pants: Before edition

Alrighty then. I finally found my progress pants, so I thought I should put them on and take pics as Carolyn and Randi suggested for the challenge. These are some light blue trousers (Gap, 6) that I bought when I lost weight the first time around and thought I could never wear pants like this. I wore them for one year, weather permitting. And they are too small now. Just because I can zip them, doesn't mean I can wear them in public. There is a lot of pulling (see the side shot - nice slit pockets, right?) but the good news is that there is less flab spilling over since the beginning of Skinnify, especially from my love handles.


My early weigh in this morning was 143, the same as last week. I'd been expecting a gain, so I'm pretty happy with it, though getting to 143 did take a bit of negotiation with my scale :) My goal for the Christmas challenge is 135. My real weight loss goal is 128 (I'd like to weigh less than my husband - and I think I wouldn't be too skinny at 128) but for now, I'd be really happy to be in the 130s. And to fit in my blue pants again.

My kayak, Kashi, and apples (and some TJ's dark chocolate) are off to food-hell conference land through the weekend. I won't be able to visit your blogs when I'm gone but will catch up on Monday! Have a great weekend!

my pack a day habit

i'm starting to worry because blueberry season is going to be closing down soon, and I am totally addicted! i eat them with yogurt, cereal, on top of toaster waffles, by themselves...yum yum yum

what will i do when they are out of season and are either a) gross or b) like $6.99 a carton during the winter?

i'm not so crazy about frozen. any ideas? or is there a secret source for good blueberries during the winter that i don't know about? (um, yea, pardon my produce-section naievete...this is the first time in awhile that i've actually routinely grocery shopped for things besides diet coke and microwave popcorn.)

cookie update: none today! hurrah! the magic yellow cloth worked!

FJ: Exercised 4, ate 24
Wednesday Goal: Walking for 60 min.

Motivation dwindling...

Well folks, my weight loss has apparently stopped (just in time for the x-mas challenge). Last week I gained a pound and the scale is telling me I may have done it again. I'm headed to a conference tomorrow, so I have to weigh in early and keep what I anticipate is another gain. Boo. I guess I need to change something in my routine, but it'll be hard this week because I'm away for the rest of it. My plan is to try my best to keep to my flex points (which thankfully reset in the middle), eat my pre-portioned kashi for breakfast, and exercise by kayaking near the conference. It's going to be really hard to keep the calories down and my water up - these conferences are cookie extravaganzas and are usually freezing, so I keep the coffee coming to stay awake and stay warm. I am armed with dark chocolate, kashi TLC bars, and fruit to keep the evil enormous cookies out of my mouth. Or maybe I can throw a napkin on the tray like Meg. ???

Next week - I plan to exercise more more more. I didn't want to "go crazy" with exercise because I want the losses to stick around when I'm not in crazy mode, but at this point, I know I need to do something to see a loss, or my motivation is going to keep sliding. My goal is to alternate 1 hr power walking days with 30 min power walking + 30 pilates and theraband during the work week.

today: ate 23, exercised 3, flex left 16 (for 1.5 days of conference...not too bad)

another week...another 48 cookies

this is what i found on the counter last night:







this is what i have to say about it:













we'll see if it works.

as far as goals...i did walk for 20 min after pilates. yay!

FJ: yesterday i exercised 3 and ate 26...still have all my flex. but, am still thinking about resetting on fridays...hmm..

goal for wednesday: 60 minutes of walking.