chocoholics anonymous

hi, my name is meg and i've recently developed a major chocolate problem.

i blame my students.

so far this week i've received 3 plates of cookies, 1 plate of homemade fudge, 1 box of truffles, 2 king size symphony bars (the almond and toffee kind...mmmm), 1 package peppermint bark, 1 box of Ghiradelli mint chocolate squares and a box of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts.

and my brother made chocolate chip cookies 3 times. that's 72 cookies.

and i also seem to have found my way into my brother's cookies & cream ice cream (the real stuff, not low fat).

i've been a bad bad girl.

time to clean up my act. i'm throwing ALL of the chocolate away today. weighed in today at 170.4 (1 lb up from last week...), so all of this holiday cheer needs to stop immediately!

on the boy front...hmmm, lots of exciting things to report! it seems like this might be going somewhere! crazy! i've pretty much seen him everyday for a week... although now he is out of the country for 2 weeks for the holidays...sad, but maybe i'll actually be able to get some work done! maybe even a little blogging...

blahhhhhhhh

really freakin cold weather + too much school work + too much home repair work = not cooking or eating healthy foods + not exercising (except shoveling, stressing, shivering, and balancing icy sidewalks) = probably gaining weight and not really caring

Last week, this formula meant that I craved uber salty noodle soup (Asian, any kind of Asian, I am equal opportunity) in a big way right before weigh in. Weigh in was way way way bad. so bad it was impossible to be just fat. But ever since Friday, I'm been too afraid to weigh myself again.

I just have too much on my mind right now to worry too much about losing these last 0-15 lbs. I keep flip flopping (like my ex-gov Mitt - that horrible horrible man who wants to fight secularism - WTF?) about whether to stay around 140, which I think is my happy idon'thavetotryveryhardtomaintainthis weight or shoot for the goal of weighing less than the boy.

Looks like I'll be a proper American and pledge to lose it come the New Year...


Addendum: I almost forgot! I'm watching the biggest loser finale tomorrow night with a bunch of skinny girls - is this a huge mistake or what? I'm CRAZY. (I was also the big girl again at a party this weekend - I HATE THAT. sigh.)

hello 160's!

yippee!!!

i weighed myself for the first time in two weeks...and i'm at 169.4! AND, that was with jeans and a heavy sweater. so, i bet i'm actually less than that in my usual weigh-in "outfit"....

hallelujah!

i was starting to get a little lax the past couple of days, so this is some great extra motivation to keep going. maybe i can reach my christmas goal (165)? or maybe i should make that number a new years goal...hmm...

on the boy-front:
i don't know how my life went from very boring to extremely dramatic in less than two weeks! i've seen a lot of him this week...and there have been some "interesting" developments. but, bottom line is i still don't know what i think.

but, it is exciting and entertaining (for the most part)..well, at least it's keeping my love counselor bri entertained ...we shall see where this goes...

Bad Bad Bri

I've been a bad blogger. But I've also been a bad dieter. I've been shoveling truffle cookies in my mouth like they are the last things I'll ever eat. (I sent the rest with the boy to work today.) I've been sleeping in too late to exercise or even eat breakfast (gasp!) - replacing that meal with a Larabar (incredibly good - not all fakeybarfoodlike - however not low calorie...) I haven't been exercising at night either. And Stan is back (surprise surprise). Sigh.

ok, time to get serious

ok...i confess, this whole week has pretty much been a wash as far as diet and exercise. i got in two pilates workouts, but no walking. i haven't really been keeping track of what i'm eating...(which has included in the last 48 hours those evil danish shortbread cookies, chocolate chip cookies, frosted flakes and who knows what else...) and, i forgot to weigh in on friday. like seriously forgot, not just pretend forgot.

where did all my motivation go??!!

i think i kind of started thinking i was invincible. after my (glorious and victorious) thanksgiving weekend, i thought i could do no wrong. and this week, my appetite has been all out of whack too due to the new boy/butterflies...so i started into that all-too-familiar backslide "well, i pretty much didn't eat anything on tuesday or wednesday, so i can eat whatever i want for the rest of the week..."

no no no! we all know exactly where that backslide ends up...

SO...it's time to get back on track. i am hopping on my treadmill right now and i will be counting everything i eat starting tomorrow.

and..for your daily dose of "as meg's world turns"...
i went out w/ the new boy again on saturday...and have plans to go out again monday (movies), thursday (his company holiday party) and saturday (symphony) this week...and possibly more days than that if he has his way....! :)

(sorry, not very many juicy details. i leave that to your imaginations...)

Saved by the toothbrush!!!

I hate getting ready for bed - the worst part about getting ready for bed is brushing my teeth. I hate hate hate hate it.

Last night I was in the middle of baking 3 recipes of truffle cookies (I figured you didn't need a picture...the name says it all) and was madly stuffing my face with ugly specimens, broken off chunks, the works. I knew I needed to stop.

I tried to make popcorn so I would munch on that instead, but burned it after walking away from the stove. So I brushed my teeth. BRILLIANT. Why did I forget about this dieting trick? I hate brushing my teeth more than I love truffle cookies...so after brushing my teeth I was not going to eat any more cookie bits. HORAYYY!!!

Weigh-in: Stan is gone! At least for today. He took some friends with him and I lost 2.5 pounds (am now 137.5) - I'll wait a bit before updating the sidebar. Somehow, I think Stan will be back...

image credit

butterflies...

yea, so, sorry i'm hijacking this normally diet-related blog to write about butterflies.

well, they are butterflies in my stomach, so i guess that's diet-related, right?

since a few people asked... i went out with blind date guy again last night...and let's just say there might be something there to be giddy about!

in classic meg fashion, when i have boy-related giddiness, i lose my appetite completely and forget to eat. yes, you read that right. i forget to eat. generally i tend to lose a whole ton of weight, only to gain in back (plus some) as soon as the butterflies/giddiness settles down.

so, this time around, i'm making myself eat. no starving. no messed up metabolism.

and we'll see how long these butterflies last...

Grocery bills

I swear, I really do things other than read the New York Times (I read blogs and shop too!)...but I have another article to pass along. This one summarizes a recent study about how much a 2000 calorie diet costs in terms of junk food or presumably "healthy" calorie-sparse foods. The cost difference is about 10 times per calorie! They also report that the average American spends ~$7 per day on food while low-income Americans spend ~$4. Reading the article reminded me of the discussion over at Sister Skinny a while back about grocery bills. As I commented, I spend a lot of food, $400-500 per month for two, which is right in the range for average Americans! That makes me feel a bit better since I always have wallet guilt as I leave the grocery store...

I also wonder what would happen is we got rid of the farm subsidies - would we see a change in people's diets and health if highly-processed, calorie-dense foods became more expensive? (I'll plug the Omnivore's Dilemma again - read it!!!) I could go on and on about this issue, but I'll spare you.

On my diet front - eating has been good, exercising has been lacking, to put it nicely. Speaking of, I'd better head to the treadmill...

Ease up on perfectionism, lose the weight?

A friend sent me this New York Times article about perfectionism and I couldn't help thinking that maybe perfectionism is interfering with my weight loss (I am a perfectionist, though the messiest you will ever meet). I'm not really sure that the article says anything, except pointing out that perfectionism is encouraged by society and that perfectionists are critical and prone to unhappiness over minor bumps in the road that wouldn't phase others. This is not earth shattering, but I found the following to be relevant to the weight-loss struggles that we blog and blog and blog about:

Consider a recent study by psychologists at Curtin University of Technology in Australia, who found that the level of “all or nothing” thinking predicted how well perfectionists navigated their lives. The researchers had 252 participants fill out questionnaires rating their level of agreement with 16 statements like “I think of myself as either in control or out of control” and “I either get on very well with people or not at all.”

...

The burden of perfectionist expectations is all too familiar to anyone who has struggled to kick a bad habit. Break down just once — have one smoke, one single drink — and at best it’s a “slip.” At worst it’s a relapse, and more often it’s a fall off the wagon: failure. And if you’ve already fallen, well, may as well pour yourself two or three more.

It is so common that as dieters we "fall off the wagon" on weekends, or in stressful times, or from a bad weigh-in. Once we indulge in that second piece of cake or finish off that new bottle of wine, all hell brakes loose and out "good" eating and exercise habits go out the window (for me, I'll stay in this state for either a day or until my points reset). I think that many of us, myself included, are either in diet-mode or whocaresimsotiredofdieting-mode.

For this weight loss attempt, I've been concentrating on moderation. I have tried to avoid extreme healthy eating and crazy exercise schedules, instead aiming for "sustainability". But it is hard. More often than not, I find it too easy to use moderation as an excuse to indulge. And once indulgence starts (chips at a party, that darn brownie, those fun sized candy bars), I may stay "on program" but I usually find excuses to exercise less (u-HEM, tonight for example...lemon curd incident #10 + no treadmill!). Is real moderation so difficult to maintain because it just is, or because of perfectionism? (Does calling it perfectionism make it just sound nice?) If I can control the perfectionism, can I control my weight?

OK, I'm kind of rambling now. But all this also made me question my motives for trying to lose more weight than I have. I'm not overweight. I'm not fat. I'm not chubby. But I'm just not as skinny as I want to be, and I think about that ALL THE TIME. Is this because I'm a perfectionist? Or maybe I'm just vain?

So...what do you think? Are you a perfectionist, and do you think it impacts your weight loss or maintenance?

weekend review

sooo...things are going ok. for some reason, i have a much easier time blogging when things aren't going very well. something about sharing successes just feels like bragging/boasting/showing off, which i'm just not a fan of...know what i mean? but then again, i read other people's blogs to read their successes...and actually the whole point of this blog is to be successful. well anyway, i'm rambling.

i managed to stay on track this weekend. the brother is back along with his frozen pizzas, tubs of ice cream and refrigerated cookie dough. i haven't touched any of it. when i picked him up yesterday we drove through Carl's Jr and he ordered a load of food (literally. probably like 5000 calories) and i didn't even ask for one fry.

i went out to dinner w/ a friend on friday night. he ordered an enormous piece of my very favorite carrot cake in the whole world. i only had 2 bites. (first time ever) i can usually eat almost a whole piece by myself. but, i just stuck to my salad except for the 2 (heavenly) bites.

saturday was le blind date. it went ok. actually my friend from friday night gave me some really great advice for how to not suck at first dates. (i really suck at them. plus i hate them--double whammy.) anyway, i took his advice and it worked, apparently. the blind date wants to go out again! (i'm not sure what i think about him, but at least it wasn't the horrific experience that it usually is...)

so, i haven't done a ton of exercise this weekend..that is first on the to-do list for tomorrow...but for right now, i'm happy that i didn't have a cataclysmic diet-blowing, depression and/or binge-fest inducing weekend. i could get used to this..

I'll name him Stan

I gained a pound this week. I think it's the same pound I lost last week. And the one I gained before my trip. And one of the pounds I lost the week before that. Since it seems that this pound keeps coming up, I'm going to name him Stan. So, this week Stan is back, and I'm not so thrilled about it. I think getting to 135 is going to be harder for me than I thought...urgh. Stan is not very motivating - for the past two days (while overeating) I've been trying to convince myself that I should stop counting points for a little while. right...that'll really help.

I feel swamped with work these days - school work, house work (I'd really love to have a finished bathroom), and I need to finish sewing up a diaper bag for a friend. So, exercise is going to be hard to fit in, especially since my hours at the lab are increasing...boourns. At least painting and woodwork counts as exercise, right? Do I get double for painting outside without a coat or gloves in really cold weather? Ahaha.