in a funk/rut

hmm...funk/rut could be a cool name for a band...

ok, as you've probably guessed, my motivation level has taken a nosedive since..umm...december. and it has pretty much stayed in a tailspin since then. i just can't seem to pull myself out of it.

i am still exercising every single day. pilates or treadmill. but my eating? holy all-over-the-map, batman. i can sustain self control until about 11am, and then i just start eating indiscriminately. and i just don't really care. i always wake up with these grand intentions of counting everything i eat and being good and then...bam! it's 11 pm, i'm still hungry, i have no idea what i've really eaten that day except for some vague memories of a sandwich...and oh, there was that bowl of cereal...and did i eat 2 kashi granola bars or just one? and i think i might have had a cookie. and some popcorn. wait, did i have 2 cookies? etc. etc. you get the idea...

i dunno, maybe it's the lingering winter-ish weather...or maybe i've just got a case of the blahs. i know it's a lot of stress eating combined with emotional eating. i still want to lose weight, but i just can't muster up the motivation to do all of the work it will take to actually lose it.

and see, this is always the problem...i'll lose some weight...like 10 lbs, everything is great, i'm totally motivated and doing great and then i'll hit something like a holiday or vacation and that ignites that i-don't-care demons and then 3 months later i'm pretty much back where i started.

grr.

so, for now i think i'm going to focus on maintaining my exercise regimen...and keep hacking away at the eating bit. i'm sure sooner or later i'll get up the gumption to start really trying...i'm just not feeling it right now....

would a J Crew model eat that?

for years i've been lamenting the huge injustice that i was not, in fact, born to be a j crew model. if i could return my body and get a new one at the store, this is the one i would choose.

but, don't worry, i'm not torturing myself with some impossible (and airbrushed) ideal that is (sniff) not in the realm of possibility for my set of dna.

however, asking myself "would a j crew model eat that?" or "would a j crew model eat that much of that?" has proven to be a pretty effective portion control device.

well, at least for this week... which is why i'm labeling this the "tactic of the week"