Hanging on, kinda sorta

Sooooo sorry that I've been MIA. I've missed blogging and the support and your blogs! But I've been working a LOT for the past few weeks. My time at home is shrinking rapidly and it looks like it is only going to get worse over the next few months. But there is light at the end of the tunnel - we are currently scheduling my thesis defense. Finally. (Though, the work won't stop when I have the degree...booo!)

As you all recommended, I've been hanging onto the dieting, which is pretty much keeping me at maintenance if you count in all of those little sins. When I work late, I need to buy dinner. Or if I don't stop for that snack break, I end up stuffing my face with BAD foods later on.

The good news is that I've been walking to the train (35 minutes, walking fast, each way) in an attempt to cram some exercise into my day. And I've been making a big vat of soup every weekend to carry me through the week.

I'd still like to lose some more weight, and I think that times like this are excellent times to lose weight if I plan well, since I don't have time to sit around craving food. I need to get better about packing dinners and more snacks to work. I need to start really keeping track of how much I'm eating. And I need to build in some pilates and strength training on the weekends. That's the plan. Hold me to it, k?

learning to say no

no is a very tough word for me. and not just in the weight-loss department. in all facets of life, i just hate saying no. (cue that song from...Oklahoma? I'm just a girl who can't say no...) i'm constantly getting myself into situations where using the word "no" would prevent sooo much frustration. and yet, i keep on saying yes. old habits die hard, i suppose.

i am a yes kind of girl. i like to make people happy. people like it when you say yes. yes-- you'll help them with this even though you have to rearrange your entire life to do it...or yes you'll take on this massive project that you know you don't have time for....you know...we all do it, i'm sure.

i also like saying yes to treats. yes, sugar. yes, ice cream. yes, cookies. yes. yes yes yes.

until i look in the mirror...then i think no no no no no.

hmm.

a connection? yes, i think there is.

i need to embrace no. i know i know, i shouldn't deny myself treats, i should just eat in moderation. i totally believe in that. but eating in moderation requires saying "no more" after treat numero uno. no more treat numero dos...

sigh.

does this make any sense? hmm. well, it's been quite a weekend. it was the brother's b-day. luckily he didn't want a cake...but for some reason i felt possessed to make him his favorite double chocolate cookies. so now there are 3 doz. cookies in the house--- and this time it's my fault. there were also some ill-advised cinnamon rolls as part of the celebrations...chipotle...and pizza. ugh.

this week i need to say yes to exercise, vegetables, water and more exercise. yes to counting points. yes to weighing in. yes to getting back on track. and no to the treats.

ok, what am i going to eat next?

am i the only one who does this?

please say no. sometimes i really think i'm C-R-A-Z-Y. it's been one of those days. one of those days when i can't stop putting food in my mouth. when i feel HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. one of those days where, as i'm chewing on something, i'm thinking, "ok, this is good, but what should i eat next?"

i'm pretty sure that skinny people don't do this.

well. i did manage to keep the things that were flying into my mouth from the (mostly) healthy list...apples, 60-cal jello pudding, carrots, salad, kashi granola bar and fiber 1 bar, nutri grain waffles and no pudge brownies. along with a very tasty hamburger. oh, and some yogurt. and smart pop popcorn.

i eat a a lot.

but it could have been worse. i was seriously lusting after my brother's giant bowl of movie butter popcorn. and i watched him eat 3 ice cream drumsticks. and real caesar salad dressing (the whole packet). and more ice cream. sigh.

accountability

welll.....

it's been one of those weeks. cookie detox has so far been successful. this was aided immensely by having the stomach flu for a day.

however, after recovering from said flu, i've been kinda eating whatever because, you know, i didn't eat for a WHOLE DAY, so that means i'm entitled to do whatever i want, right?

hmm.

today was dinner at the grandparents which involved pot roast, potatoes, homemade rolls and...lemon pie. yumm.

to make matters worse, i was sent home with a gourmet mint truffle candy bar. and it just opened itself and jumped right into my mouth. all 22 fat grams. just couldn't wait to hop in my stomach and make their way to my thighs.

hmm.

so....tomorrow is another day. beginning with an 8 am pilates class. and no more mint truffle bars. ever.

cookie detox

the bro decided unexpectedly to leave town for the next few days, so it will be a cookie and junk free zone at least until monday! yippee skippee!

i celebrated by going to the store and loading up on fruit and vegetables.

i feel better already.

(thanks for the comments, by the way...it's nice to know that i'm not the only one who just can't resist baked goods...)

where's the reset button?

ok, seriously. i really suck at the whole "weight loss" thing.

i seem to be able to make it to 169.something fairly easily...and then i start feeling invincible or something and then BAM, i'm back around 175. actually, i don't even know how much i weigh right now. i've been avoiding the scale for the past few weeks...but if the way my jeans are fitting is any indication, i'm well past the "comfort zone"

soooo....exercise has been ok. i've been getting an hour of something in everyday. but for me, the real battles are fought and won in the food department...which has been where i'm losing big time.

i think my major losses during nov/dec were entirely due to my brother being out of the house and in china. when he was gone, i had nothing but healthy food around the house, no cookies, no pizza, no ice cream, nada. and shazam! i lost a ton and gained self control. enough self control to make it all the way through christmas.

but, january has been one bleak month for the Department of Weight Management at la casa de meg.

i think i've been averaging somewhere between 12-50 cookies per week for the last 6 weeks or so. no, i'm not kidding. he bakes up a pan of 24 choco chip cookies *everyday*...and if it's not cookies, then there's pizza, or there's ice cream, or he wants to go out to my favorite mexican place etc. etc.

i know, i know. i should make healthy choices for me, no matter what my brother brings in the house or where he wants to eat. i know i know, i should make him hide his food...or i should just " have some self control" or just "don't eat it" as he has said.

but, i sometimes just don't have the willpower. willpower for me is more about avoiding the temptation, not staring the temptation in the face day after day after day. seriously.

so, am i just a wimp? do i just need to buckle down, get over it turn a blind eye to all of the high-cal treats around? hmm.

well, in any case, thanks for letting me whine.