A friend sent me this New York Times article about perfectionism and I couldn't help thinking that maybe perfectionism is interfering with my weight loss (I am a perfectionist, though the messiest you will ever meet). I'm not really sure that the article says anything, except pointing out that perfectionism is encouraged by society and that perfectionists are critical and prone to unhappiness over minor bumps in the road that wouldn't phase others. This is not earth shattering, but I found the following to be relevant to the weight-loss struggles that we blog and blog and blog about: Consider a recent study by psychologists at Curtin University of Technology in Australia, who found that the level of “all or nothing” thinking predicted how well perfectionists navigated their lives. The researchers had 252 participants fill out questionnaires rating their level of agreement with 16 statements like “I think of myself as either in control or out of control” and “I either get on very well with people or not at all.”
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The burden of perfectionist expectations is all too familiar to anyone who has struggled to kick a bad habit. Break down just once — have one smoke, one single drink — and at best it’s a “slip.” At worst it’s a relapse, and more often it’s a fall off the wagon: failure. And if you’ve already fallen, well, may as well pour yourself two or three more.
It is so common that as dieters we "fall off the wagon" on weekends, or in stressful times, or from a bad weigh-in. Once we indulge in that second piece of cake or finish off that new bottle of wine, all hell brakes loose and out "good" eating and exercise habits go out the window (for me, I'll stay in this state for either a day or until my points reset). I think that many of us, myself included, are either in diet-mode or whocaresimsotiredofdieting-mode.
For this weight loss attempt, I've been concentrating on moderation. I have tried to avoid extreme healthy eating and crazy exercise schedules, instead aiming for "sustainability". But it is hard. More often than not, I find it too easy to use moderation as an excuse to indulge. And once indulgence starts (chips at a party, that darn brownie, those fun sized candy bars), I may stay "on program" but I usually find excuses to exercise less (u-HEM, tonight for example...lemon curd incident #10 + no treadmill!). Is real moderation so difficult to maintain because it just is, or because of perfectionism? (Does calling it perfectionism make it just sound nice?) If I can control the perfectionism, can I control my weight?
OK, I'm kind of rambling now. But all this also made me question my motives for trying to lose more weight than I have. I'm not overweight. I'm not fat. I'm not chubby. But I'm just not as skinny as I want to be, and I think about that ALL THE TIME. Is this because I'm a perfectionist? Or maybe I'm just vain?
So...what do you think? Are you a perfectionist, and do you think it impacts your weight loss or maintenance?
9 comments:
I guess only *you* can answer why you want to lose more weight or if it'll ever feel like enough. I think you've done a terrific job. You are definitely slim.
Sometimes I forget that this is a change in lifestyle: Exercising every week and eating healthfully as a way of life. Because it takes discipline, I fall off the wagon. Either extreme is not good,and I think the article speaks to that.
Great post!
Seriously, great post!
I never really though of it that way but when I look back on my journey, when I started WW I wanted to weigh 160 and I felt that if I could get there then I would feel great, life would be perfect. Well I got there and it was good for a while but then I wanted to see 150 and then I wondered what 145 would feel like. Now I wonder if I am just being a perfectionist. I CAN be happy in my own skin. Why are we ALWAYS looking for greener pastures? Thanks so much for getting me thinking!
You are SO right, when I have that brownie I get that "Well I already blew it, may as well order apizza attitude" but what I should REALLY be doing is hitting the gym to compensate or having a light point supper to control my points. That all or nothing attitude can be big trouble.
Bri, you're right!! You're not chubby...like...at all!!! But yeah, it is hard to know what motivates us to reach this number that we think we'll be satisfied with. And this all or nothing bulls&*t we trick ourselves into thinking is 'moderation'? Guilty over here! Thanks for the food for thought.
Oh I am totally an all or nothing person - it really blows.
I find moderation hard just like you. I always find that things sneak in too. Drives me insane.
God why can't I be perfect?!
I read this article this morning and was struck by the truthness of it all. I too am a perfectionist, fueled by an 'all or nothing' mentality. Sadly, my perfectionism kicks into high gear when it comes to meeting other people's standards -- or what I delusionally think are their standards!
Great post!
OMG this is totally me. I've always been a perfectionist and all or nothing which does make life difficult at times. I can evem empathize with your last note about wanting to loose more weight. I'm right there with you. For me personally it is a combination of perfectionism and vanity (yes I will admit it).
Thank you for posting this article, not only did it hit home but made me think about things.
I've done the one treat and screw the rest of the week thing too many times to count...the counting is the problem!! It needs to be done no matter what!
silly mouse.
I SO agree with this. If it's any consolation, I think the all-or -nothing perfectionism thing is REALLY common.
Great post.
Wow! Thanks for the great responses - it's nice to know I'm not alone. This article just took me by surprise since I don't really think about perfectionism - I find myself surrounded by it and consider it to be normal :)
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