boys

i don't know what my deal is. but i've got some crazy mental warp with boys and my weight. let me elaborate:

there was a short-lived romance going on for me during november-january. it was during this time that i got down to 169, without really trying.

as soon as said short-lived romance was over, the scale started to creep up. but anytime there was a new boy on the scene, the scale would go down. when i'm nervous about a new boy, i just don't eat. and it's not like i do it intentionally. i just forget. no really, i forget. and when i'm not forgetting to eat, i somehow have astounding willpower and eat incredibly healthy, low-cal etc.etc.

but when i go on a bad blind date, or get flat-out rejected, the scale always goes up. mostly because i start eating again...and i drown my sorrows in my brother's ever-present cookies.

it's been kind of a roller coaster lately, but if i were to graph my weight, the overall trend has been going up for the past 7 months. (holy cow, 7 months??!)

anyway, it's been on my mind this week because there has been a new boy on the scene. and i've been doing the forgetting-to-eat thing again. i know, not healthy at all. but all of my clothes are a whole lot looser. like A LOT. even just after a week. (and yes, i know it is all just water weight blah blah blah.)

but, now that the new boy is gone (another one bites the dust!), i found myself today suddenly starving and (big surprise) all i wanted to eat was ice cream, cookies and cake. luckily, i didn't have any within reach. it's like my brain has either two settings: BOY or FOOD.

here's what i don't get:
1. if i forget to eat when i'm thinking about a boy, why can't i forget to eat if i'm thinking about other things...like work or something?

2. why don't i ever learn? every time this happens, i think "ok, this time i'm going to capitalize on all of the progress i just accidentally made and eat right and exercise so that i don't just gain back everything and then some." but usually i end up going for the cookies.

seriously, it's ridiculous. this vicious cycle has been happening for ever. like since i was about 10. (and i think it has probably taken a serious toll on my metabolism...)

so, i don't know what to do about it. check myself in for some intense therapy? maybe. but blogging about it feels therapeutic.