why i eat

i've got a lot on my mind lately. life is good--but i've also got a lot of crazy anxiety swirling around in my brain. and it's manifesting itself in my eating.

so, instead of trying to deal with anxiety by eating, i'm going to blog about all the things that are bugging me instead.

1. i've got a birthday coming up that i'm really not excited about. 29. how can i be turning 29? it's one more birthday closer to the big 3-0. ouch.

2. i'm close to 29 and still single. i know, i know. i just haven't met the right guy yet...29 is not that old...age is just a number etc. etc.. but, i can't help feeling like there's something really wrong with me that i haven't met anybody. literally all of my close friends are married, most with kids...and well, i'm jealous. yea, being single is fun, i can do whatever i want, i've done tons of cool stuff that i couldn't have done if i were married...but really, i'm dying to find someone awesome and do the married w/ kids thing.

3. my 10 year high school reunion is coming up this fall. i don't really know if i even want to go. but i feel like i should be skinny if i do go. but ironically, thinking about trying to become skinny just to look good at an event makes me want to inhale brownies by the fistful. weird, huh?

4. along with #2, i'm moderately scared of being alone forever.. and in the words of bridget jones "will die fat and alone and be found dead, half eaten by wild dogs." yea, i can take care of myself, and i really do have a pretty cool life. but i really don't want to morph into the spinster/old maid/crazy cat lady etc. (i know, becoming a crazy cat lady is a choice, one that i would never make...i just don't want to be perceived that way. and i think i care too much about what other people think.)

5. i worry that if i don't get skinny (i.e. to a healthier, more "attractive" weight), i will be doomed to spinsterhood. again, this thought makes me want to inhale brownies. strange, i know.

6. i'm feeling self-conscious that i never finished a masters degree. that was always the plan...and then random life events happened and here i am 5 years after i graduated and no masters degree. at this point, i'm not sure if it would be worth all the headache because i've got tons of experience that makes up for it...but i still really want those letters after my name.

7. i feel overwhelmed by the lack of organization around my house. life has been moving at such a fast clip for the past 2 years that i really haven't done a good job keeping things neat and tidy. (basically, it is a disaster...at least to me.) so there is a TON of work to do to get my house back into martha stewart shape. and i don't even know where to start. most of the time i end up starting in the kitchen with a "snack".

8. i am filled with dread every time i go to find something to wear in my closet. i've spent years building up a fabulous wardrobe. and now most of it doesn't fit. which makes me want to inhale brownies.


so. here's the plan:
i'm going to take things one at a time, starting with the house. because it's the easiest place to start--and one of the things on the list that i can actually control. (besides diet and exercise...but i'll get to that next. i need a distraction first i think.)

i'm going to take on my office this week and get it back to the martha-level organization that it was two years ago. and my office is the room that is furthest away from the kitchen.


oh, and p.s. i'm not trying to throw myself a giant pity party...really, i'm pretty happy. i just felt like i needed to purge some of these crazy thoughts from my brain and stop all of the anxiety eating.